


That Damn Star Puzzle

by Leviosa7



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23197237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leviosa7/pseuds/Leviosa7
Summary: It all started with that damn star puzzle. Emily Prentiss found her mind drifting to that puzzle and the person who put it together effortlessly far more than she was comfortable with. She really needs to get out of the apartment and get Reid out of her head.Emily might have a stupid, inappropriate crush, but she won't admit it and luckily the person in question is oblivious.
Relationships: Emily Prentiss/Spencer Reid
Comments: 36
Kudos: 101





	1. Puzzles and Poker

**Author's Note:**

> I found the chemistry and lovely friendship of these two characters very cute and I couldn't get this little thought out of my head that those two could fall in love, but probably not easily. So, here I am writing this. Bear with me. There will be multiple chapters. This story is brought to you by self-isolation 2020. Thanks for reading!

It all started with that damn star puzzle. It’s not like it was anything out of the ordinary or even so significant, but there she was curled up on her couch once again in her warm flannel pajamas re-watching old episodes of Buffy on a Saturday night alone. A near-empty bottle of wine sat on her coffee table staring at her as she brought her wine glass up to her lips. Emily Prentiss thought better of herself than to feel like a complete loser in that moment, because lonely did not equal pathetic. But her mind took her away from the show playing on her television, and there she was thinking about it _again_.

She had a star puzzle when she was a child, lonely in her room after moving yet again. She had never forgot the fairytale behind the story and how it seemed so romantic. She remembered thinking that if she could just solve that puzzle, a handsome prince would see how clever she was for putting the star back together and fall in love with her. But she never did solve the puzzle before she had lost it. That’s why she had been giddy when she had found a new one in the puzzle section of the book store and bought it instantly.

She had only been playing with it a few minutes when Reid had looked up from his book on the jet back from Wyoming and asked her what it was. After she finished explaining the origin of the star puzzle, he had instantly shut down her story with his damn logic. She scoffed to herself. _So typical of him_ , she thought. And then he fit all the pieces back together again before she had even finished explaining how difficult it was to do.

She felt a rush of frustration flush inside of her again. Of course Dr. Genius had solved it and ruined her romantic fantasy of solving it herself in a matter of seconds. But that had been over a month ago and she couldn’t figure out why it still bothered her.

Emily glanced up at her bookshelf in the corner of the living room where she displayed the completed star. She sighed and downed the remaining wine still in her glass. He had put the star back together for her just like the prince in the story and he didn’t even give a second thought to the implications that might hold. Sure, it was frustrating, but she was also impressed by how quickly his mind works. Maybe the frustrating thing was that she was in her late-thirties sitting on her couch alone on a weekend, and her mind wouldn’t stop thinking about her damn colleague.

Her phone buzzed. Her hand fumbled around the couch until she felt its cool touch tucked away under a pillow. She glanced at the name on the incoming text message. Garcia.

Garcia: _Not 2 late to come out!! Mocha Latte is extra hot on the dance floor & I’m 2 drinks in wishing u were here :(_

Emily smiled at the thought of those two. They really did have an odd friendship that she had given up on trying to figure out. Maybe she should have gone out with them. It’s been a while since she had gotten laid. That’s probably why she was feeling so frustrated lately. She looked at the time on her phone. 9 P.M. The effort to get up and make herself presentable didn’t really appeal to her right now. She felt her finger typing on the small keyboard.

Prentiss: _Next time. Promise. Buffy & wine __for me tonight._

Less than a minute later, she felt her phone buzz again in her hand.

Garcia: _Boo. Plenty of hot guys who would love 2 have u batting those long lashes at them._

Prentiss: _I do NOT bat my eyelashes._

Garcia: _Maybe u should. I know someone who wants u to. Cute FBI bachelor ;_ _)_

Emily felt a warmth tinging her cheeks. Her eyes flicked over to her bookshelf and landed on the star puzzle without her consent. She forced her focus back to her phone.

Prentiss: _I dont know who you mean._

Garcia: _Hot british agent rawson. Hard 2 forget._

Emily didn’t quite know how to respond to that. A few weeks ago Agent Mick Rawson had given her his number when they all gathered for a drink after closing the case. He was handsome and far too charming, but her perception of him might be tied to the fact that he had possibly saved her life that night. She had innocently flirted with him, but the thought of putting the little free time she had into trying to date someone put her off to calling him.

What was bothering her more was how they were openly flirting and having a good time and _he_ didn’t give them a second glance. Reid just stood there munching innocently on mixed nuts straight from the container talking to, well...not her.

Her phone buzzed again before she could dig deeper into her thoughts.

Garcia: _A birdie told me he gave u his #_

Damn, JJ. Could any of them have any secrets from each other? Sometimes it sucked working with profilers who spent far too much time with each other. _She’s probably right_ , Emily thought. _It wouldn’t hurt to give him a call._ She should have realized that the moment she found herself thinking about Reid and that stupid star puzzle more than she was comfortable with. It was likely just some weird exposure theory anyway. She has limited contact with available men, so it’s normal to think about your colleagues when there’s no one else around. It’s probably why Morgan and Garcia have their weird thing. The thought calmed her.

Prentiss: _Not gonna happen. Be safe._

Emily slid her phone on the coffee table and stood up from the couch. She felt her knees give a faint popping and frowned, stretching her arms in the air. The rush from standing up hit her and knocked her off her balance and she swayed. She breathed out slowly. She must have drank more wine than she thought she did. Reaching down for the remote to click her TV off, she decided that a hot shower would clear her mind. She walked down the hall into her bedroom.

***---***

Emily huffed a sigh of relief she didn’t realize she was holding as she flopped herself into the seat with the table on the jet. That was a hell of an ugly case they got called on that interrupted her Atlantic city weekend. Then again, there was no case she worked on that wasn’t ugly. The important thing was that they got the job done. So much for “sin to win.” Maybe it was the universe laughing at her. One of the few weekends that she made plans to get out of her apartment and she found herself whisked away for work.

Reid slid into the seat opposite her at the table and gave her a wry smile before dropping his book on the table. It made a loud thud. She lifted her eyebrow at him. It was the size of an encyclopedia. It’s not like he needed it. Based on the worn edges and cracked spine of the book, she assumed he’d read it multiple times. He was like the team’s own walking, breathing encyclopedia anyway.

“Big plans for your day off?” She asked.

He tapped his finger on the book and gave a small laugh. “Nothing like Atlantic City.”

The tips of Emily’s ears tinted pink when he caught her eyes. She felt her lips curving upwards. His tie was loosened from around his neck. It was a nicer tie than what he normally wore and his shirt was buttoned down. And since when had he started wearing shirts that didn’t look like it belonged to a grandpa?

She cleared her throat. “Well, I guess my gambling extravaganza will have to be re-scheduled.”

The jet rumbled to life and within minutes they were in the air. Reid shut his book and slid it onto the seat next to him. The next moment, he was standing up only to return a few seconds later with a suspicious look on his face.

“You know,” he said, wiggling his way back into his seat, “I’ve been known to be decent at cards myself.”

“Is that so?”

Reid twirled his hands around and produced a deck of cards like a magic trick. He wiggled the deck in his fingers. “What do you say? Think you can beat me?”

She laughed, stunned by his little magic display. “You’re on.”

A minute later he was shuffling the cards in his hands with a pile of pretzels in the corner of the table. Emily had found a bag of peanuts in her go bag to use. Her mood had perked up considerably.

They had been playing for about twenty minutes, each winning a few hands. The cards he dealt her this round weren’t too great, but she was feeling lucky. She tossed three cards into the middle of the table.

“Three cards, please,” she said.

He put three cards in front of her.

“Three cards for the lady. And I’m going to take one card.”

He brought his lips in his mouth and grinned in a boyish way as he reached for his card. He thinks he’s so clever. She glanced down at the cards in her hand and rearranged them. She grinned to herself. _Now I’ve got you, Dr. Reid_ , she thought. Luck was indeed on her side.

“Ooh, one card. A straight or a flush, Dr. Reid? What are you trying to fill in?”

She can’t stop the glee in her eyes when she looks at him. She likes teasing him.

“Well, considering the odds of filling in an open-ended straight with one card are 5-to-1 against, while a one card flush draw is more like 4.5-to-1...”

He’s rambling with his knowledge again like he can’t help himself. She decided to try for a confused look to throw him off.

“I guess you’d say if I was smart, I’m drawing to a flush,” he finished.

He glanced up at her from his cards. _He’s probably trying to read me_ , she thought. _Good luck with that._

“Hmm...” He started, “I think I’m gonna go all in on this.”

He pushed the rest of his pile of pretzels into the pile collecting in the middle of the table. She took a moment to read his face. The odds are in her favor. She decided to go all in, too.

“So, are you?” She asked.

“Am I drawing to a flush or am I smart?”

“Either.”

“Well, I’m provably a genius.”

She can’t help but laugh. Even when he’s bragging about his intellect, he doesn’t give off any ego. It must be a thing entirely unique to Reid. She’s hardly met any men who have such little ego.

“But, uh,” he continued, “Actually, I was drawing to a full house. 8’s over 6’s.”

He laid the hand out in front of her. She straightened up in her seat, ready to see the look on his face. She let out a deep sigh as dramatically as she could muster in the moment.

“Oh...I always forget you’re from Vegas.”

“Yup!” He squeaked out. His voice was higher than normal and he reached his arms out to collect his winnings. The look on his face was a mix of smug and excited. She felt her happiness bubbling up inside of her.

“Ooh, I’m sorry. Not so fast. I, too, have a boat.” She put her cards on the table. “Jack’s over 3’s.”

She smiled wide. Finally, victory over Reid. She tried her best not to look too smug.

“Wait, you drew three cards to a full house? That’s like 100-to-1 against,” he said. He looked confused. Good.

She saw Morgan walking over to them and linger behind Reid. She ran the numbers through her head.

“97-to-1,” she corrected. “Looks like you’re out.”

She grabbed the pile of snacks and scooped them toward her side of the table. Reid was shuffling around with the cards. She could practically feel his mind reeling in confusion. _He does look kind of adorable when he does that,_ she thought. Luckily, Morgan’s voice broke her attention before her mind took her thoughts any further.

“Hey, Prentiss. ‘Sin to Win.’”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Come on, now. I gotta know,” Morgan pressed. “What the hell is a ‘Sin to Win’ weekend in Atlantic City?”

She scoffed. The people on this team were always wanting to be involved in her personal business. She might as well keep the secrets that she can to herself.

“Derek, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you, but there is some questions that if you have to ask them, it means you probably couldn’t handle the answer.”

She stood from her seat, satisfied with her answer. She pat his shoulder as she passed him. She definitely needed a drink. Too bad there wasn’t any alcohol allowed right now.

“There is a whole other side to that woman,” she heard him say.

She settled for water and made sure to grab two cups before she made her way back to her seat. Morgan had gone back to listening to music and JJ was talking to Hotch and Rossi at the other table on the jet. Reid was gathering the cards in a pile and stuffing them back in the cardboard case. She pushed a cup of water towards him.

Reid glanced down at the cup and ignored it.

“I never lose,” he said.

She pushed her winnings of snacks back into the middle of the table and grabbed a pretzel and slowly slid it between her lips and flicked her tongue over the salt. She saw his eyes fall to her mouth and he frowned. What did she think she was doing? _Am I trying to flirt right now?_ She questioned herself. _It’s_ _Reid. He’s your friend and colleague. Stop._

A warmth spread over her cheeks and she hastily bit into the pretzel and put it down on the table.

“What can I say, doctor? Life is full of surprises.”

She took a sip of water to calm her stomach. She didn’t usually feel flight-sick, but maybe she just needed a proper meal in her stomach.

He cleared his throat.

“Well, I’ll try not to be a sore loser about it.” He picked up the glass of water she gave him and brought it to his lips. “I didn’t ask for water.”

“What? You didn’t think I was going to gloat too much, did you?” She flicked a peanut towards him. “Have a peanut. Water helps with the saltiness of it, as I’m sure you know.”

He popped the peanut open and tossed it in his mouth.

“I think I could beat you at chess next time,” he said.

“Is that a challenge?”

“Only if you’re aspiring to be particularly competitive with me.” He stretched back in his seat and raised his arms above his head. His foot bumped hers accidentally under the table, but he didn’t seem to notice. “I usually only play chess against myself, so some competition might be welcome.”

He didn’t pull his leg back over from her side of the table. She became too aware of him being in her personal space, even if it was only a leg. She gently nudged it away from her. He picked himself up in the seat, straightening his back.

“Afraid you’re getting rusty?” She asked.

“Highly unlikely. Playing against oneself is arguably more challenging since you always need to think ahead of yourself. I also read a minimum of eight books a week with the current work schedule, but it’s usually a far higher number. Furthermore, I play logical games for fun and study new subjects. I’m thinking about pursuing a new bachelor’s.”

She just stared at him with her eyebrows lost in her bangs. He must be lonelier than she was. She frowned at the thought.

“So what do you do just for fun?”

He tilted his head and furrowed his eyebrows. “I just told you.”

“I mean, do you ever do anything that doesn’t require mental stimulus?” He didn’t answer. “You ever just hang out and watch TV or go for a walk, or just, I don’t know, take a bath?” Her face flushed at the thought and she immediately began rambling again. “You know. Just _relax_. Play video games or sit and chat with someone about nothing?”

He lifted an eyebrow at her and her eyes flung down at her half-eaten pretzel. She heard him laugh softly to himself.

“Not much, I suppose. Sometimes I watch television or movies. Particularly science fiction or horror will capture my attention long enough. Probably since I like to compare the scientific logic and probability of the story with my own knowledge of the subject. I love Halloween, so cheesy horror movies are fun...”

She looked back up at him relieved.

He cleared his throat and spoke quietly. “Though I have never once in my life taken a bath and I’m not great at social interaction, so I don’t usually find myself in social gatherings unless it’s with someone from the team.”

She laughed. “You’re not the only geek, you know. I like sci-fi stuff, too.”

He perked up a bit and smiled like he already knew that about her. Of course he did. Damn profilers.

“You’re not so bad at social interaction, ya know?” She continued. “Not nearly as awkward as when I first met you. I suppose you’d just have to _try_ a little.”

His lips curved up and he seemed particularly interested in the cup of water that he was staring at.

“Thank you,” he murmured. “But the thought of a bath still does not sound like fun.”

“Oh, come on,” she laughed. “You’re telling me after a case where you’ve had to chase down an unsub and have some sort of physical activity, the thought of a hot bubble bath relaxing your muscles doesn’t sound nice?”

When she saw his face flush, Emily felt satisfied.

“I think you’re severely over-estimating the amount of, uh, _physical labor_ I put into this job compared to the rest of the team.”

She shrugged her shoulders and picked up a peanut to give her fingers something to do. What has gotten into her lately? Why was she suddenly grilling Reid about his bathing habits? She did _not_ want to think about Spencer Reid in a bathtub. The thought was ridiculous and probably inappropriate. She needed to change the subject before it got uncomfortable.

“So what’s with all the purple lately?” She glanced at his chest. “Or lavender, more like.” But based on the look he gave her, she assumed that his choice in clothing wasn’t any better of a topic.

“Well, what’s with the red you’re wearing?” He countered. “You normally wear more conservative colors-blacks, greys, blues, browns even. Probably to come off as more professional rather than personal preference. I assume you attached yourself to the ideology from growing up as an ambassador's daughter.”

She frowned but he continued on. “It’s an outdated idea, really. One’s clothing has little to do with their ability to do a job well. Morgan often wears jeans and a t-shirt, yet no one would question his professional integrity. But since you’ve mentioned before that women are scrutinized more in a career where the percent of men outweighs the percent of women, I can only deduce that after years in the FBI, you still worry about outsiders questioning your abilities.”

He seemed to finally take a breath. She didn’t know if she should feel slightly offended or complimented.

“Huh.” That was the best her brain could think of in response.

“I only meant to say that, uh, the red is nice. The color is usually associated with love and passion. As a means to stand out since the color is so bold.”

She felt uncomfortable in her seat and awfully bare. She could feel his eyes on her. Why had she wore red? Did she want to draw attention to herself when she packed it in her go bag? She did know the association with red. That’s why she normally chose a deep red shade of lipstick when she went on dates. She didn’t think it was worth digging any deeper in into why she was wearing a certain color.

“It’s only a color,” she said with the most amount of disinterest as she could. “I didn’t put too much thought into it.”

He nodded his head.

“Shades of purple are my favorite colors. They have a proven calming effect on the mind. It’s a nice balance considering the job that we do.”

“Well, it’s, um...nice, too.” She felt so silly about the stutter in her voice. It is not a big deal to say that something looks _nice_. She’s done it dozens of times. She really needs to take her own advice and have more social interaction herself. “It’s cool to see you looking less like my grumpy college professor.”

He didn’t laugh. Emily sighed to herself and decided closing her eyes and counting down the minutes until they land was the best option for her. She let her head rest on the back of the seat and felt the exhaustion of the day wash over her.

“Is my choice in clothing really that bad? I mean, I don’t really care about how I dress, but if it’s really so unappealing...”

His voice was small and hinted of insecurity. That was just great. She couldn’t even make a small joke without insulting him. She mentally kicked herself and leaned forward to touch the top of his hand with her fingertips.

“No, Reid,” She said. She tried to make her voice as soft as possible. “It was just a stupid joke. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

He didn’t look convinced.

“Nothing about you needs to change. It would be a shame, really. I just meant that the color is different.”

He offered her a smile and she hoped that meant he took her words to heart. She felt her fingers circling the top of his closed hand on the table. She was lingering now and that was either friendly or inappropriate again. She didn’t want to chance it, so she pulled her hand away and tucked it safely on her lap.

“I suppose we’ve never broached the topic of clothing in such depth before,” he said.

She exhaled loudly through her nose and chuckled.

“If only Garcia were here. She’d be thrilled.”

She tucked her head back against the seat and leaned it against the side of the plane. “Let me know before we land,” she muttered. She promised herself that she would definitely accept Garcia’s next invitation to go out before she drifted off to sleep.


	2. Ladies Night

Emily melted into the bathtub and groaned a sigh of relief. She felt the tension ease from her body. Finally, a moment of peace. She heard the soft melodies of the piano humming into her bathroom from her laptop speaker propped up on the bathroom counter. No case to worry about. No chores that she needed to get done. No unwanted people invading her thoughts. It was turning out to be a great afternoon.

_Knock, knock._

Emily’s eyes popped open. The sound was faint but she rose up in her bathtub slowly on high alert. Maybe she had imagined the sound or those noisy neighbors were hanging up their painting again. She rolled her eyes. If she was going to stay with the BAU then she really should think about investing in a house. It was grown up and responsible, but just _so_ permanent.

_Knock, knock….knock, knock, knock._

It was louder this time. She lifted herself from the tub and reached for her robe. She thought about her phone charging on her bed and gulped. She really hoped there wasn’t an emergency and no one was hurt.

She stood on the tips of her toes, tying off her robe tightly around her waist and peeked through the hole on her front door. She groaned and took a step back to fling the door open.

“Yes?” Emily tried to sound annoyed, she really did. But when Garcia and JJ rushed in her door and lifted their eyebrows wide, she couldn’t help but smile. Damn. She really did love those two, even if they had interrupted her alone time.

They looked at each other and laughed. Emily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

“I’m sorry, did we interrupt private time?” JJ asked.

Garcia curiously glanced around her apartment as if she would find someone there.

“I was just taking a bath,” Emily said. Garcia wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “ _Alone,_ ” she added.

“Well, sweet cheeks, you never responded to my text this morning about ladies night and I refuse to take ‘no’ for an answer, so _tada_.” Garcia waved her arms above her head and smiled wide. “Now, go put some suggestive clothing on. We are getting dinner, going shopping, and maybe more if you don’t behave.”

Emily scoffed. “I didn’t realize we were living in an episode of Sex and the City, _Penelope_. Are we going to get our nails done, too?”

“Not anytime soon if you don’t stop biting yours.”

Garcia and JJ walked over to her couch and flopped themselves down defiantly. Emily rolled her eyes again. It was like they had rehearsed her kidnapping.

“Don’t worry. Take your time,” JJ said. She clicked on Emily’s TV. “We’ll wait here. The day is young.”

Emily caved and started walking back to her bedroom. Right before she closed the door, she heard Garcia say, “Why don’t we hang out here more often? This apartment is great.”

Emily walked herself back to the bathroom and closed her laptop shut. She brought it out to her desk in the corner of the room and opened her closet doors. She thought about putting on sweatpants and the nerdiest shirt she owned just to spite them, but she figured she might as well not look like an old cat lady and decided on a nice black skirt and blouse.

Twenty minutes later, Emily was locking the door behind her as she followed behind JJ and Garcia.

They had taken her to a new restaurant that Garcia found on the internet downtown. She insisted that they needed to try it because of the positive reviews on Yelp. It was Mexican food and Emily had to admit that they were both right to make her get out of her apartment. It was a nice night and she was enjoying just having girl time. She didn’t really like that term, but it was fun nonetheless.

Emily was just finishing up her last taco when Garcia perked up in her seat and gave them both a devious grin.

“Screw, marry, brother,” she said. Emily tilted her head in confusion. “Let’s play with our BAU studs.”

JJ laughed. “I thought the game was fuck, marry, kill?”

“Yes, but _fuck_ sounds so vulgar and I don’t like the thought of killing, so my way is better.”

Emily absolutely did not want to play this game. She hadn’t thought of Reid at all tonight and she would like to keep it that way. She decided to try for some guilt to put a stop to it.

“Come on, Garcia. We have to work with these men. Let’s not.”

“Emily,” she whined. “It’s just for fun. There’s no harm.”

“How would we feel if they played that game with us?”

“I wouldn’t mind unless my boo didn’t choose me to marry,” she said with a shrug. “JJ, you go first.”

JJ took a long sip of her drink and squinted her eyes. Emily had a feeling that she already had her answer, but she wanted to make Garcia wait.

“Alright, let’s see,” JJ said. “I would brother Spence since he’s already like my brother. I would screw Morgan, I guess, and marry Hotch.”

Emily lifted her eyebrow and felt a laugh slip out of her from deep in her chest. “You would marry Hotch?”

JJ shrugged her shoulders. “He’s already a dad. It seems easier.”

Garcia bounced in her chair. “Okay, let’s see. Well, Reid really is like the perfect little brother and that way I know he can’t delete me from his life,” she said. “I would screw Rossi and marry my one and only.”

“Really? You would screw Rossi?” JJ asked.

“It’s only hypothetical, JJ. Besides, I can say from experience, do not count out an Italian lover.”

Emily squirmed in her seat and she felt their eyes on her. It was only a stupid game, right? It’s not like they were going to dig deep into each other’s answers.

“Okay, okay,” Emily said. “Hmm...I would brother Morgan, screw Hotch and marry Reid, I suppose.”

She felt her face heat up and forced herself to meet their eyes. She had nothing to hide. It’s just a stupid game.

“You would hypothetically marry doctor cheekbones?” Garcia actually giggled at her.

Emily feigned disinterest in the whole conversation. “Well, he seems the least likely to stick me with all the chores and he could help me with my paperwork.”

JJ looked disappointed. “Your answer is really boring, Emily.”

“Yeah, I was really hoping for something more saucy,” Garcia added.

Emily finished her drink and felt her cheeks cool down. Good. Boring is good. “Yeah, well it’s a silly game and we’re not teenage girls in case you two forgot.”

Garcia grinned and reached out for her hand. “Good thing we’re not because I remember a certain _picture_ of a teenage Emily Prentiss and she was horribly confused by the 80’s and all things bright and sparkly.”

Emily groaned. She should have known Garcia wouldn’t let that go. She still wasn’t completely convinced that she hadn’t altered it.

“What picture?” JJ asked. She looked at Garcia with those damn bright blue eyes. “Did you uncover something? I wanna see!”

“Not going to happen, JJ,” Emily said. “I don’t want to leave you scarred for life.”

When they left the restaurant, JJ insisted they head towards a coffee shop. She mentioned something about Will sneaking Henry some cookies before bed. Before they even walked three feet out of the building, she heard Garcia reciting her order to Emily and then hustle down the street saying she would meet them when they were done.

There was a line in the coffee shop, but Emily didn’t really seem to mind for once. She felt more like herself tonight. They didn’t go out often anymore since JJ had a family to spend time with and Garcia stayed in to Skype her boyfriend. She felt relieved to have a distraction.

JJ bumped her shoulder.

“What are you thinking about?”

Emily smiled at her friend. “Just that I’m glad you two planned a ladies night with me.”

“It is nice, right? I’m always so busy with work or Henry,” she said. “Not that I would trade it for anything, but sometimes I miss when we were all single and going out without a care in the world.”

Emily missed it, too. She had far more fun and she was far less lonely. But she wouldn’t want to go back to that time either. She was happy for her friends.

“You know you always have an open invitation to my house, right?”

She nodded her head. Did she look as lonely as she felt?

They ordered their drinks with ease and stepped to the side of the counter.

“So, do you have any hot dates planned?” JJ smirked. Did she and Garcia plan to bother her about her dating habits tonight?

“No. None that I can think of.”

“I think Mick Rawson might be waiting for a phone call.”

Emily groaned internally. She wasn’t really interested in someone like him. Why was that so hard to understand? Sure, he was hot and clever and she appreciated his sharp-shooting skills. He was probably great in bed and that thought did excite her, but there was something that he was lacking. She didn’t know what it was and she was probably being too picky, but she knew he was all wrong. She wanted to spend time with someone she got along with. Someone she could trust. A friend. A sweet, unassuming nerd who-

“ _Emily._ ”

JJ laughed and walked to the counter, handing her two drinks.

“What have you got to lose? He’s so cute and he seemed to like you a lot...”

Emily and JJ made their way out of the crowded coffee shop.

“That’s not the point.”

“Well, are you going to call him?”

JJ was probably right. She was _always_ right. Emily was likely overthinking the whole thing. A date would do her good, even if it was with someone who reminded her of every guy who broke her heart.

“Maybe,” she responded.

JJ groaned. Emily would be amused by her enthusiasm if she wasn’t so confused about her lack of love life.

“Emily!”

“Mick Rawson is an arrogant, over-sexed, egotistical-”

“-Hot, British dude with a sexy accent, badge, and gun,” JJ finished for her. “Just your type.”

Emily sighed. _My type_ , she thought. That’s what it was, wasn’t it? She didn’t have a stupid crush or whatever on Reid. Somewhere down the line she must have just realized that she needed to try and date someone who is definitely _not_ her type. Reid was nearly the opposite in every way of the guys she dated in the past. It was misplaced attention on her part. She just needed to try being around someone who was more like him.

“Alright, you know what? I don’t even get you sometimes.”

She knew she should feel bad, but all she felt was relief that she finally figured herself out. Emily looked up and saw Garcia marching towards them with her arms full of shopping bags.

“It wouldn’t go anywhere,” Emily said.

“You don’t know that.”

“I know our work schedule.”

“Okay, you know what? Will and I make it work.”

JJ really wasn’t going to let it go, was she? JJ took her eyes off of Emily and looked in front of her to see Garcia and all her shopping bags.

“Oh, no,” JJ groaned.

Garcia was ranting about shopping and helping the economy and who knows what else. Emily’s thoughts were only broken when she asked for her coffee. Thankful for the change of subject, Emily happily handed it over and recited her over-complicated drink order back to her.

“Next stop, Xanadu!”

Emily didn’t know what that was, but Garcia’s excitement was contagious.

She heard JJ groan next to her. That could only mean one thing…

“Xana-don’t,” she sighed. “Time to go to the BAU ladies.”

Emily’s life was just ridiculous sometimes.

“Maybe I should get a cat.”

They began walking back towards JJ’s car and Emily’s mood was deflated. The BAU really was the last place that she wanted to be right now. The whole ride there she just thought of what kind of cat she might like to get. It seemed she might be an old cat lady after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, our favorite genius will be in the next chapter. ;) I just love the friendship between the BAU ladies. Thanks for reading!


	3. Alaska

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladies Night was interrupted when a case takes the team to Franklin, Alaska.

Hotch had just told them they were taking off to Franklin, Alaska in thirty minutes. Emily wasn’t one to complain, but sleeping on the jet was probably one of her least favorite aspects of the job that didn’t have anything to do with the unsubs or victims.

She stood up from the round table in the conference room and hustled over to her desk for her go bag. If she was supposed to attempt to sleep on the plane then she needed to change out of her skirt before takeoff. She had never been to Alaska, but from the look that Rossi gave the team, she hoped that she had warm, comfortable clothes packed in her bag.

She didn’t want to be teased about the only clean pair of pajamas that she had packed in her go bag, so she decided to wear a warm, gray sweater and pants that she found untouched at the bottom of her bag. She would just have to sleep in that into the night and wear it the next day. It was hard to believe that some people thought this job was glamorous in any way.

Emily was the last one in line to board the jet, much to her displeasure. Morgan had already sprawled his legs out in front of him, taking two seats with his headphones on at the table, and Garcia did the same opposite him. Hotch and Rossi were huddled at the other end of the plane discussing something and JJ wasn’t far from them curled in the corner. Reid was tossing his go bag in the compartment above him where his usual spot was on the couch.

She didn’t really have many options, so she just tossed her bag beside the couch next to Reid and sat at the edge of it. She reached into her go bag and found the book JJ had given her at Christmas and placed it on her lap. She felt Reid sit back down next to her.

“You don’t mind, do you?” Emily asked. “There’s not many options left besides the floor.”

He loosened his tie from around his neck. “Don’t be ridiculous, Emily. This spot doesn’t belong to me.”

She realized that she didn’t feel the same sense of discomfort around him like she had the last time they were on the jet. She felt calm and breathed a sign of relief. That was how she should feel around Reid. She supposed she was right about her theory from earlier in the night. She didn’t _like_ Reid, she just liked the kind of man that he was. She could go back to business as usual and not be so focused on accidentally being inappropriate.

“You can still lay down like you normally do,” she said. “I have years of training from childhood at sleeping uncomfortably on planes.”

She flashed him a brief smile and flipped her book open to the page she left off on. It wasn’t the kind of book that she normally would read, but JJ insisted it was worth the effort. She wasn’t far enough into it yet to know if that was true, but it did have elements of time-traveling in it that she found interesting. She had a sneaking suspicion that the real reason JJ gifted it to her was because it was mostly a romance novel.

“What are you reading?” Reid asked. He leaned forward and peeked at the front cover. “I don’t recognize it.”

Emily felt embarrassed but didn’t know why. Many woman read books like these and it was on the Best-Sellers List, so it’s not like she was the only one. She probably just didn’t want to explain to him what the novel was about since the only novels he probably read were high literature.

She just lifted the book up higher and angled the front cover towards him so he could read it.

“ _The Time-Traveler’s Wife_ ,” he muttered to himself. “Huh. Never heard of it.”

She already knew he had never heard of it. That was obvious. She thought back to when JJ had told her that there were some parts that were particularly passionate and her face flushed. She really hoped Reid didn’t ask her to see it.

“That’s because it was written this century, Reid.”

He chuckled. “Well, is it any good?”

“I wouldn’t know yet,” she replied. “JJ said it was.”

He reached his arm towards her and opened his hand towards the book, indicating her to give it to him.

“Well, let me see it. I’ll give it back in like...” he said, examining the book. “Eight minutes and tell you how it is.”

Emily pulled the book close to her chest and squirmed away from him. “I thought you were going to sleep?”

“The concept of time-travel is an extensively observed phenomenon and since it’s essentially the theory of movement between certain points in time, analogous to movement between different points in space by an object or person, it’s hypothetically understood within the framework of special relativity and general relativity.”

Emily stared at him blankly and blinked. “Okay…?”

“My point is,” he said, and swiped for the book. “I like to see if author’s using time-travel in their writings might have a plausible scientific theory behind it.”

“Reid,” she whined, “Give it back. I don’t think you’re going to find any science in there.”

He was already flipping open the book until it landed on the first chapter. Emily huffed. She wanted to be annoyed with him, but the sight of him holding a book like that in his hands, intrigued by the words, was damn near laughable. She slouched back against the seat and tapped her foot against the carpet. If he wanted to read her silly romance novel, then so be it. She was actually curious what he might have to say about it.

Eight minutes felt a lot longer than it should and somehow Emily felt under his scrutiny about her reading material. She heard pages flipping quickly in his hands and saw his eyebrow raise mysteriously on his face. His long hair fell from behind his ear and covered his eye, but he didn’t seem to notice. She heard him chuckle to himself a few times.

When he finally closed the book, she felt slightly validated in her nervousness because his cheeks were flushed pink. He cleared his throat and handed the book back to her.

“Well?”

“There certainly wasn’t any science in it,” he laughed.

Her lips curled up into a smile. “I think I tried to tell you that.”

“I admit I don’t read much contemporary fiction, but the writing was decent and it’s interesting enough if, er, love stories are the sort of reading material that you enjoy.”

She gave him an exasperated look. “And what would you know about reading love stories, Reid?”

He gave her that sheepish grin he always had when he figured out a break in a case before everyone else.

“My mom was a 15th – Century literature professor, Emily. She read me everything from Chaucer to Jane Austin. It was very important to her that I be raised to be a gentleman considering what happened with my father.” He gave her a serious stare. “My practical experience with love may be limited, but I assure you, I’ve read more romantic tales in my life than you have.”

She felt her stomach flip uncomfortably as she looked around the jet for prying eyes. She doubted anyone was sleeping yet, but their eyes were either closed with headphones on or they were Hotch and Rossi, still engrossed in a conversation at the other end of the plane.

“Well, aren’t you full of surprises Dr. Reid.”

He smirked at her. “Life is full of surprises, right?”

Emily watched him bring his legs up on the couch and roll over to his side, curling up in a ball like he usually slept.

“’Night, Reid.”

“Goodnight.”

He closed his eyes and she decided to flip her book back open and find the page that she was on. His foot brushed her leg when she saw him roll onto his back and lift his head up.

“Oh, and Emily?” he said sleepily. “It’s probably the kind of book you’d want to read outside of work.”

He rolled back onto his side and she saw a stupid grin on his face. For the first time since she sat on the plane, she felt embarrassed again. She let the book flop closed in her hands and quietly slipped it back into her bag. Damn, Reid with his eidetic memory and weirdly fast reading ability. She pulled out the fluffiest piece of clothing she could find from her bag and tried to prop it behind herself. It really was going to be an uncomfortable kind of sleep.

***---***

The team was gathered in the front room of the tavern with Sheriff Rhodes when she excused herself to the bathroom. Their first day in Alaska wasn’t going well. Everyone in this town was connected in some way and it seemed like everyone grew up hunting. After a day of investigating the crime scenes and talking to some of the towns people, she felt they weren’t any closer to catching the unsub than when they started. Her back and neck were sore from sleeping on the jet and she was exhausted. The only good thing she could grasp to right now was that they were finally indoors holed up at Carol’s Tavern and out of the cold.

When she returned to the room, the Sheriff was gone and the team had disgruntled looks on their faces except for Garcia and Morgan who were grinning at each other.

“What did I miss?”

No one answered her for a few moments until she heard Hotch sigh and stand up.

“We’re going to have to double up,” he said, “There are only four rooms available.”

Emily hung her head in defeat. It really wasn’t a big deal but she was looking forward to finally getting a decent night of sleep.

“I don’t mean to play rank, but I’ll likely be up for several more hours and would prefer to room alone unless anyone else disagrees.” He gave a stern stare and looked around the room. It wasn’t like anyone was going to disagree with him. Emily still felt intimidated by him when he looked like that despite years working together.

Hotch picked up his go bag and began walking towards the stairs. “Early start tomorrow, guys. Sleep the best you can.”

Hotch disappeared up the stairs and Emily assumed by Garcia’s mischievous smile that she already called dibs on Morgan, not that she had a problem with that. She saw Reid staring at Rossi with a pleading look.

“No offense, but not gonna happen, kid,” Rossi said. “Unless you want to sleep on the floor, I’d look elsewhere.”

Emily shook her head. Men. She worked with great, intelligent men, but they were so predictable sometimes. She could see a hurt look on Reid’s face despite him trying to hide it. She didn’t know why everyone always picked on him all the time.

When she looked around the room, she noticed JJ staring at her lap with her mouth closed tight. JJ looked up when she felt Emily’s eyes on her. She knew that look. Will probably wouldn’t like the idea of JJ and Reid bunking together because of the one awkward date they had years ago. It was all so ridiculous. They were grown adults with a job to do.

She felt her legs walking her towards the couch where Reid sat with a frown on his face. She put her hand on his shoulder and saw his head move to look at it.

“Don’t worry, Reid,” she said. “I’ll room with you.”

“You sure?”

She nodded her head and smiled. The tension from his shoulders seemed to evaporate and she let her arm fall back to her side. She looked back at JJ and saw her mouth a quick ‘thank you’ to her. She rolled her eyes and tried not too feel too annoyed by the whole situation.

Rossi clapped his hands together. “Alright. All settled then,” he said. “Jennifer, I expect no funny business from you and I hope that you don’t snore.”

She heard JJ groan. “Oh, _please_. You’ll be lucky if you don’t end up on the floor.”

Emily felt herself laugh, but quickly stopped when she thought about everyone joking about sleeping on the floor. Did none of these rooms have separate beds? Everyone began standing up and grabbing their bags. Everything would be fine, she assured herself. She and Reid would share a room and that wasn’t a big deal, even with only one bed. It really wasn’t a big deal. She had shared beds with friends before. As she walked up the stairs behind Reid, she ignored the reason why she felt like she couldn’t breathe.

Reid walked into the room first and flipped on the light switch, Emily close behind him. She tried her best not to grimace when she saw the room. One queen sized bed with matching side tables. A small dresser with an old TV on top of it was opposite the bed, and tucked into the corner was a small table with two chairs that had seen better years. Next to the bed was a closed door which she assumed was the bathroom. She scanned the room again and only saw an old heater in the corner plugged into the wall and the room felt nearly as cold as outside.

“Cozy,” she said. She couldn’t hide the sarcasm from her voice and immediately felt bad about it. She supposed the place had its charm about it, for Alaska at least.

He laughed and dropped himself into one of the chairs, tucking his hair behind his ear. She wondered if he liked it long or if he just didn’t like getting haircuts. She thought it suited him nicely even if it was often messy.

“Thanks for rooming with me,” he said. He gave her a small, lop-sided grin that was gone almost as soon as it came.

“It’s no problem. I heard a rumor that Rossi is the one who actually snores.”

It was a lie, but she wanted to make him feel better. She followed his eyes and saw him staring at the bed with a blank stare on his face. Her lips went dry and she was suddenly aware of the pounding in her chest. _It’s just Reid_ , she reminded herself. _There is absolutely no reason to be nervous right now_. Her thoughts didn’t seem to calm the feeling in her stomach. She just needed to push past her awkwardness.

“You don’t mind if I shower first, right?”

He shook his head ‘no’ and she found herself walking as quickly as she could to the bathroom before shutting the door closed with a soft _click_.

She made sure to shower as quickly as possible so he would still have some hot water left. Her face was scrubbed of makeup and her body was clean. She felt better than before. It was just one night, well, _hopefully_ only one night, and then they would be on their way back home. She looked up at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was dripping wet still and it was in its natural form. She reached into her bag and pulled out a small hair tie and began effortlessly braiding her hair.

She tried not to feel embarrassed about her pajamas. They never had to room with each other before when they were on a case, so she never thought twice about how silly they were. The bottoms were black and had small, yellow stars across them. She guessed being around Garcia rubbed off on her more than she thought, because they brought her comfort when they were working a case. And now Reid would see them.

She groaned internally at herself and began brushing her teeth with more force than necessary. So what if Reid saw them? They were just pajamas to sleep in. He probably had silly Star Wars pajamas or somehow found some that had math equations on it. The thought gave her a new sense of confidence when she walked out the door.

He looked up from the same chair he was sitting on before when she swung open the door. He had a mug in his hands and he was looking over the case files. His eyes darted up and down her body before he looked back down at the paper, but she noticed a small smile on his face.

“You really like stars, don’t you?”

She crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly aware of her lack of bra. Was that inappropriate or not? She hadn’t even thought about it. What woman on earth wears a bra to bed? She wondered if he would notice that kind of thing.

“I guess the evidence is against me here.”

“Is it a fascination with luminous spheres of plasma floating around in our galaxies?”

She furrowed her eyebrows. He didn’t look up from the case file. Did he ever just take things as they were?

“Not when you put it like that, Reid,” she responded and dropped her go bag on the side table by the bed.

He looked up from his case file and closed the folder. “How should I put it? It’s what they are.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “It’s just the feeling you get when you look up into the night sky and feel like something is looking right back down at you. It’s a comforting thought, I guess.”

He took a long sip of tea and seemed to ponder her answer. He stood from his chair and let out a yawn before walking over to her. She saw him holding a second mug that she hadn’t noticed and set it down on the table next to her.

“It makes sense now why you were so annoyed at me when you told me the story about the star puzzle.”

“I just wanted to see if I could do it myself. It’s not a big deal.”

She glanced in the mug and saw that it looked like tea and smiled. She really wanted to get to bed because now she was thinking about the whole thing again and she felt uncomfortable about how close he was standing.

“Sorry anyway,” he said.

She waved him off and sat down on the bed. He opened the door to the bathroom and disappeared behind it. A deep breath she didn’t realize she was holding escaped from her lungs. Why did he make her feel so out of control of her body? She already decided she didn’t like him as anything more than a friend, even if he was attractive. Morgan was attractive, but she never felt weird around him. She had learned a long time ago how to keep her composure around guys whether she thought they were attractive or not.

_Just keep an appropriate amount of space away from him on the bed and go to sleep,_ she told herself. _And for the love of all things good, go get yourself a date_. A shiver passed through her body. She reached over to the mug of tea he left her and brought it to her lips. It warmed her up a bit even though it wasn’t as hot as it should be. Setting the mug back down, she decided to climb under the covers and felt her body relax into the bed. Finally, she could lay down comfortably.

Reid appeared out of the bathroom and shifted his weight on his feet. Emily was disappointed to see that his pajamas were perfectly normal. His hair was damp and slightly frizzy despite it looking combed. He must have tried to towel dry it.

“Reid, can you turn off the light, please?” She asked. “I’m beat.”

“You know you can call me Spencer more often.”

“Huh?” She was too damn sleepy to care at the moment.

“You call me Reid or doctor or Dr. Reid more than you do Spencer, even in casual settings.”

She grinned. “Okay, Dr. Spencer. Would you mind?”

He laughed and rolled his eyes. “I think I’ll sleep on the floor. I know you didn’t sleep well last night on the plane.”

Emily felt more disappointed than she cared to admit. It must have shown on her face without her consent because he was giving her an odd look.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s cold, we all slept uncomfortably, and there’s plenty of room,” she said. “It’s really not a big deal.”

He still looked uncomfortable with the situation, but he walked over to the light switch and flicked it off without another word.

Emily felt safer with the blanket of darkness that washed over the room. She felt him lift the cover and he climbed in, settling himself as close to the edge of the bed as possible. She sighed in relief. It really wasn’t as nerve-wrecking as she was making it all out to be in her head.

A few minutes passed and she still hadn’t fallen asleep as quickly as she expected. She lay on her back staring up at the ceiling and was focused on the sound of his breathing. It was slow and calm, but if she had to guess, he wasn’t asleep yet either. She felt cold under the covers. Why was Alaska so damn cold? Spencer must have turned on the space heater in the room when she was showering because she could hear the quiet hum of it. Maybe she could find an extra blanket…

She pulled the covers down and slipped out of the bed as quietly as she could and walked over to the dresser.

“Em?” His voice was a whisper.

She pulled open the top drawer and was shocked to find a fluffy blanket folded neatly inside. It wasn’t very big, but it was something at least. She shut the drawer and hopped back on the bed.

“What? Don’t tell me you’re not freezing your ass off, too.”

He laughed as she climbed back into the bed and pulled the covers back up to her chin.

“I know,” he groaned. “I can’t sleep.”

She flung the blanket open wide and pulled it down to the middle of the bed. It really wasn’t very big at all. She felt her heart thump loudly in her chest as she slid herself towards the middle of the bed.

“You’ll have to come closer,” she said. “It’s a little warmer.”

She was thankful that it was so dark because she was sure that she was blushing. He didn’t move for a few moments and she wondered if he felt as awkward as she did. Maybe he was nervous, too? It might make her feel better about herself if he was.

The weight of the bed adjusted underneath her as he inched himself closer to her. When he rolled over to his side and adjusted his pillow under his head, she felt his feet brush her leg.

“Damn, Reid, your feet are freezing!”

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Accident.”

She felt him pull his legs away and curl himself up like he did on the plane. She could smell his body wash. The smell made her smile. It wasn’t heavily scented or overly-masculine like she was used to men using. It was just so _Spencer_. The faint warmth of his body heat radiated towards her and it made her more aware of how cold she still was. She wondered how he would react if she just moved a bit closer…

She turned her head to the side just slightly and peeked over to him. His eyes were open and he was looking at her. She didn’t understand how her body was still so cold when her face felt like it was on fire. Damn, Spencer Reid. Why did he make her feel like she was 15 years old again? She’s known him for nearly five years and felt nothing more than friendship until that star puzzle. These kinds of uncomfortable feelings don’t just come out of nowhere.

She closed her eyes. Before she could think about it, she reached out her arm towards him until she felt her hand bump his hand. She placed her hand on top of his and slid her fingers into his palm. His hand was cold in hers. She figured the gesture was innocent enough, well, if they hadn’t been laying in a bed together.

She rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand and felt him give her fingers a small squeeze in return. She didn’t think she expected anything or even wanted anything more, but she felt comforted by his hand in hers and him acknowledging it.

Emily lifted her hip and gently moved her body towards him until her shoulder touched his chest. Her head fell down on the edge of his pillow and she placed his arm across her stomach. He felt warm and she could feel the heat of his breath by her ear. It wasn’t quite cuddling, but it was close enough for her to know that she probably shouldn’t have done it. She realized she didn’t care much about being appropriate in the moment. She was cold and they were in a bed together and it was more comfortable that way.

His head lifted from the pillow and he leaned his weight on his arm. She felt her stomach drop in panic. He must have not been okay with the close proximity. She began thinking of apologies to say when she thought she heard his voice.

“Hmm?”

She could see the darkened shadows underneath his cheek bones from the faint light peeking in behind the curtains. He was looking at her.

“Lift your head,” he repeated.

She did as she was told and he reached around her head and pulled the pillow over a few inches. She let her head fall back down and it was much more comfortable for her neck. He bent back down on his side and tucked one arm under his head and the other back over her stomach.

She settled the arm that was trapped between them on her stomach and brought her free hand back to rest against the top of his. She began rubbing her thumb over his soft skin again. She felt relaxed and nervous at the same time. How was that possible?

“S’okay?” he mumbled.

He was looking at the side of her face. She could feel his stare. She wanted to ignore him, but she could feel his presence all around her body. She turned her head and met his gaze. He had an inquisitive stare. She couldn’t understand what he was thinking because it was too dark in the room to see his eyes, but his eyebrows furrowed together just slightly.

She longed to reach out and touch his face, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She had crossed enough boundaries tonight and she wasn’t sure she wanted to cross anymore. The only thing she knew for sure was that it felt good to lay next to him.

“It’s okay, Spence.” Her voice was barely a whisper. “Let’s get some sleep.”

She closed her eyes and tried her best to ignore how it was the first time in a long time that she hadn’t felt quite as lonely before she drifted off to sleep.


	4. Alaska Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter has canon-compliant references to drug use.

Emily was startled awake by a pounding on the door. Her heart seemed to jolt out of her body as her eyes flung open. She must have been in a deep sleep because she glanced around the room in confusion. It was still dark out and Spencer’s leg was wrapped around her. His eyes were closed, but she was sure something had woken her up. She heard the rapping on the door again and she pushed his limbs off of her, and rushed to the door.

When she opened the door, she found that it was JJ. Emily brought her hands to her eyes and tried to push the sleepiness out of them. Something was wrong. Emily flipped on the light switch by the door and winced from the brightness. 

“Sorry, guys,” JJ said. Her voice sounded worried. “Hotch needs everyone downstairs in 10 minutes. There’s been another murder.”

Emily stared at her in stunned disbelief. That didn’t fit their unsub’s kill pattern at all. It was too soon. If he was accelerating this quickly, then there was no way of knowing when his next kill would be.

“We’ll be right down.”

JJ nodded her head and heard her knocking on the next door down the hall when Emily closed the door. When she walked in front of the bed, she found Spencer sitting on the side of it with his feet on the floor, and stretching his arms up high above his head.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Emily whispered. 

“Sheriff Rhodes said he was putting the town on a curfew. No one should have been out after dark but nonetheless, we should have had at least one more day before the next kill.”

**

The team stood in front of the Tavern after investigating the dumpsite. The unsub had dumped the body right in front of them all. Nothing about the kill added up. The murder weapon changed, the kill pattern, and now the unsub was taking pieces of the body with him. Either Hotch was right and the unsub was making a point or he was just reckless. Morgan was attempting to get more information from Garcia, but Emily knew that was likely a lost cause. She hoped Garcia would be okay. She made a mental note to herself to check on her as soon as she had a chance.

They delivered the profile, but Emily had a gut feeling that they were missing a piece of the puzzle. She just couldn’t figure out what it was. 

It was a busy day. The team split up around the town and brought in anyone who was even remotely suspicious. It may have been overly-cautious, but she agreed that it was necessary. If there was another murder tonight and they hadn’t taken every precaution they could, then that victim’s life would rest on their shoulders.

Hotch encouraged the team to get as much rest as possible and ordered Garcia to keep working in case the unsub wasn’t in custody overnight. JJ had brought them burgers from the local diner and they gathered in the front room and ate in silence, except for Hotch. She guessed he was in his room.

Emily just stared at her half-eaten burger. They had the tavern owner’s son in custody and it made her feel guilty. She knew it was necessary, but what Garcia had said earlier wouldn’t leave her mind. If he had been the unsub, why wouldn’t he have killed her? Was he just trying to play games with them? Joshua was the best suspect they had based on the profile, but what if their profile was wrong? 

Emily broke the silence. “I think Garcia is right.”

“About what?” Morgan asked.

“Joshua isn’t our unsub.”

Reid examined her face. “What makes you so sure?”

“This guy is getting a new thrill with each kill. Hunters prey on the defenseless.” Emily tried not to look at Garcia. She didn’t want to sound insensitive, but these were the facts laid out before them. “Joshua knew she didn’t carry a weapon and she was alone. He would have killed her, no doubt about it.”

She found Garcia’s eyes filling with tears. Emily rose from her seat and knelt before her, taking her hand in her own. It didn’t matter if they were wrong about the profile. She’s never felt more relieved to be wrong. It meant that Garcia was safe.

“He matches the profile perfectly.” Morgan was giving her a hard stare and he wrapped his arm around Garcia. 

“Then we’re missing something.”

Rossi stepped into the conversation. “Whether our guy is in custody or not, we’ll get him tomorrow. We’ve taken every precaution we can. That’s the best we can do today.”

Emily nodded her head and pat his shoulder. She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Sometimes, the best they could do didn’t feel like enough. She picked up the container that held her burger and walked it to the trash. 

She fled to the room and unholstered her weapon. She placed it on the side table beside the bed. She wanted it close in case there was another disturbance in the night and they needed to act fast. Hopefully the hot water of a shower would clear her head enough to think. 

Emily exited the bathroom and scanned the room. She was alone. She clicked on the space heater and curled herself in the chair at the table. Spencer had left the case file there. She flipped it open and displayed the papers across the table. There had to be something in there to help them figure out the missing piece of the puzzle.

She didn’t know how long she had been sitting there staring blankly at the notes he had taken when she heard the door open. Spencer walked in and took her in. He was holding two glasses in his hands filled with a brown liquid, but Emily ignored it and stared back down at the table. He set the glasses down on the free chair and gathered the papers back into the file and pushed it aside. She saw a glass placed in front of her and he sat down.

“Hey.”

She tapped her finger on the glass. “What’s this?”

“I got it from Rossi. Scotch.”

“Thanks.” She took a sip and it burned her throat on the way down. 

“Are you upset that we might have the profile wrong?” he asked.

“Not at all. I’m relieved. If we were right, Garcia would be...” Emily cleared her throat and took another sip from the glass. “Do you think we’re wrong?”

“It’s hard to say. I believe your instinct is worth questioning the possibility of it, but until we have more information, there’s no use trying to find the answer tonight.”

She knew he was right. It was one of those shitty circumstances where they just had to wait until they could make their next move. 

“Is she doing okay?”

“I think so.” He started tapping his finger on the glass in his hand. “Morgan is going to stay up with her for a while to be sure.”

She smiled to herself. Of course he would be. Morgan was good like that. “That’s sweet. I hope I didn’t make her feel worse.”

“Of course you didn’t. She knows you care. You believed what she had to say,” he said. He leaned his body forward and rested his forearms on the table. “But, Emily, I think what’s bothering you is that you feel guilty about something that didn’t even happen.”

“But if it had then-”

“Then it wouldn’t have been your responsibility. The only one to blame would have been the unsub.”

She let out a long breath. “Spencer, you know it’s not that simple!” Her voice was raised and she tried her best to calm herself before she spoke again. “We all have a responsibility to keep each other safe and every time someone is hurt, I just...I think about what more I could have done to stop it.”

Great. She had tears in her eyes. She raised her eyes to the ceiling, wishing them to go away. 

His voice was soft when he spoke. “It’s just a part of the job, Emily. You know that. It does us no good to blame each other.”

She knew that. Logically, she did anyway. But with everything that’s happened this past year, she felt more worried with each case they worked. Hotch and Haley, Reid was shot…she never really let herself _feel_ any of those things. It was usually easier that way. She just plunged ahead without looking back, but her time with the BAU was the longest relationship she had. She loved these people.

“Well, did you blame us?” she asked. “When, you know...”

“When I was shot?”

She shook her head ‘no.’ 

He didn’t answer her right away. She saw him purse his lips before taking a healthy drink of the scotch. His hand instinctively touched his forearm where the markings of the needle lingered on his skin. She guessed she didn’t mind if he didn’t answer her. The question was probably too personal to ask.

“No, I didn’t,” he said. “I didn’t even really blame Hankel if I’m being honest. It was just something that happened.”

She just brought the glass up to her lips and took a drink instead of responding. It was impressive of him to not hold a grudge against Hankel, despite what he went through as a result of it.

“I put the only faith I had in the team, and you guys pulled through. Everything beyond that was my own responsibility.” He stated it like it was a fact. A rush of anger pulsed through her body. Except for the one time that Hotch had mentioned his drug problem when she decided to quit the team, no one had ever mentioned it. It was swept under the rug and they all left him to deal with it alone. She hated that he thought something that was forced on him against his will was his responsibility to deal with alone.

“ _Spencer_ ,” she said. “I don’t know if this is out-of-bounds to say, but I want you to hear it.” She uncurled herself from the chair and reached across the table. She took his forearm in her hands and gave a gentle squeeze. He tried to pull away, but she wouldn’t let him. “It wasn’t something that should have been your responsibility to deal with on your own. They let you down. We all did.”

“Emily, you barely knew me then.”

“And yet, I saw it. You really think they didn’t see it, too?”

He sighed and shook his head. “I’ve already made my peace with that.”

“It doesn’t make it right,” she replied. “I have a tremendous amount of respect for them, but Hotch and Gideon should have-”

“They saved my career. They helped me by allowing me the option to stay.”

She let go of his arm. She felt like she was crossing the line again. He was being very honest with her and she was worried that she was using their friendship to take advantage of that. He looked too calm for the conversation they were having, and she wished she could understand what he was thinking. Since he was so honest with her then she thought maybe she owed him a little bit in return.

“Do you know why I confronted you about it when I shouldn’t have?” she asked. He shook his head. “I had a friend when I was younger. Well, okay, in all honesty, he was my boyfriend and we were 15 and I thought that I was in love.” Emily took a deep breath. If she was going to tell the story, then she owed it to him to be completely honest, right?

“We were stupid and irresponsible and I wound up pregnant. When he found out, he ran. He just disappeared and I was scared. I had an abortion, Spence, and I don’t regret it. But years later, I found out that he became a drug addict. I don’t know what led him down that path, but I always felt guilt over it. Guilt that I couldn’t shake off. I knew I couldn’t help him.”

Emily took a shaky breath and stared down at the table. “The difference is, he chose to go down that path. No one forced him to do it. But you didn’t choose that, Spencer. You had that forced upon you, and I wish I could have tried harder to...well, to help.”

When she looked up, he seemed to study her like a math problem. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” he said.

He stood up suddenly and dropped down on his knee in front of her. Emily felt her heart thumping loud in her ears. His face made a grimace in pain and her eyes darted down to his knee. He really shouldn’t be in that position. She doubted it was good for his knee when the wound was barely healed. 

“I will tell you that I was so ashamed of myself back then and there is _nothing_ you could have said to allow you to help me.” His tone was serious and she frowned at his words. “Or do you not remember how I responded when you called me out on it?”

He gritted his teeth with a smile on his face. She laughed at the memory. He had snapped at her for weeks about anything he possibly could. They had come a long way since then.

“Oh, I remember Dr. Reid,” she said with a laugh. She poked his shoulder. “And don’t you ever think I’ll let you get away with that again.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” he said. “I like my butt un-kicked.”

They both fell into a fit of laughter together. The tension in the air seemed to disappear around her. She didn’t normally open herself up to people about her personal life, but she found that it was easy with him. He seemed to understand her without judgment. 

Emily raised herself from her seat and reached her hand down by him. He took it with ease and she braced most of his weight to help him up. 

“How’s your knee?” she asked.

He bent it up and stretched it out. “I think it'll be fine.”

“Come here.” She pulled him into a hug and wrapped her arms tight around his back. Spencer stood rigid against her before leaning into her and resting his head on her shoulder. She ran her hand up and down his back and stepped closer until their bodies were flush against one another. Her head was pressed against his chest and she could feel his heartbeat against her cheek. His embrace felt like a warm blanket wrapping around her on a cold day.

She felt a heat rising in her core at the feeling of his body against her own. She could feel the sharp bones of his ribs against her stomach. It was different from what she was used to, and she appreciated him being exactly as he is.

She pulled away despite her body wanting to hold him close. She brought one hand to his shoulder and stood on the tips of her toes to gave him a quick peck on his cheek.

“Thanks, Spencer.”

His head tilted to the side and he furrowed his eyebrows. “For what?”

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled. He was damn cute sometimes and he didn’t even realize it. “For being exactly who you are.”

He flashed her a smile like he couldn’t help himself. “Thanks, Em. I appreciate you, too.”

They stood awkwardly in front of each other. He was rolling back and forth on his feet like he was unsure of what to do.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” he said. “We should probably get some sleep.”

He strode over to the bathroom door and disappeared behind it. She heard the water running and stood still, unsure of what to do with herself. She didn’t think he’d be very long in there, so she sat on the edge of the bed and decided to wait for him. She needed the bathroom to brush her teeth.

He strolled out of the bathroom a few minutes later.

“Oh,” he stammered. “Sorry. I didn’t realize you needed the bathroom.”

His hair was dripping at the edges and he was wearing a t-shirt. She swallowed. She didn’t remember a time ever seeing him in anything but a long shirt. His arms were always covered. His arms were more toned than she expected them to be. She knew he didn’t work out. Maybe from the crutches? She felt the familiar heat rising in her cheeks and forced herself to look away. How could she possibly react like that to _arms_? It was honestly the most ridiculous she had felt in a long time.

“I, uh, just need to brush my teeth.”

When she returned, he was laying down on the bed with his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful and innocent when he was sleeping. It was endearing. She wondered if it would be a bad move to curl up beside him again. She shook her head at the thought and tip-toed over to the light switch by the room door. What the hell was wrong with her lately?

She tried her best to pull the blankets down slowly so she could slip in on her side of the bed.

“It’s okay, Emily. I’m still awake,” he said. His voice startled her and she pressed her hand against her chest, hoping to calm her heartbeat. She tossed the covers down and slid in.

“Damn, you scared me.”

“I just thought I should say goodnight.”

“Yeah, goodnight,” she said slowly. There was a comfortable amount of space between them and she figured it was for the best. Her eyes drifted closed as she felt the stress from the day fall off her shoulders. Her voice was slow and sleepy when she spoke again. “Oh, and I should have said it before, but you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Neither do you, Em.” She felt the bed move and she assumed he had rolled onto his side away from her because she barely heard him when he spoke. She fell into a deep sleep within seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This quick chapter is brought to you by the boredom of self-quarantine. I wanted to find a moment for them to grow their friendship and trust in one another. Be safe out there and happy reading!


	5. BAU Work Week

Emily walked into the BAU feeling exhausted. It was two days since they got back from Alaska and the day off they were given was full of laundry and chores. It didn’t seem like much of a day to relax and she hadn’t been sleeping well since they got back. Her only stroke of luck is that they didn’t have a case today. She could just finish up her reports.

She opened the doors to the bullpen and rushed to her desk. She discarded her purse and made a beeline to the kitchen. She needed coffee.

She saw Reid leaning against the refrigerator talking to Morgan. Based on the look on his face, Morgan was relieved that someone had shown up so he could escape the conversation. She laughed internally. Reid was probably lecturing him on Star Wars again. She reached into the cabinet and grabbed the mug Garcia had given her for Christmas two years ago. It had a painting of a giant orange cat rising out of the water and attacking a ship. It brightened her day every time she saw it.

“Morning, boys,” she said, and poured coffee into her mug.

“Good morning, Prentiss,” Morgan said. He was smiling at her. “I take it you didn’t have a good day off?”

She snorted and turned around, leaning against the counter. “I wouldn’t call it much of a day off. Laundry, chores, my mom decided to call.”

He laughed. “Oh, come on. She can’t be that bad.”

She turned her head towards him and lifted both of her eyebrows. “Does your mother call and question why you’re letting your ‘reproductive eggs wither and die’?” She used air quotes and rolled her eyes.

Morgan threw his hands in the air in defeat. “Okay, you win.”

“Thought so.”

Morgan gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder and disappeared into the bullpen.

“You know, technically the average reproductive ages of women is between 12 and 51,” Reid said. He had his finger in the air like he always did when he wanted to make a point. “Fertility declines with age and there could be higher health risks, but most women have perfectly healthy pregnancies well into their 40’s with proper health care.”

She wanted to look anywhere but him. They hadn’t talked since the jet ride back from Alaska and she had been nervous to see him again. It was probably for the best if they just moved past the whole bed situation. Their sleeping situation there was circumstantial. She blamed it on Alaska.

“Great. Try telling that to her.”

“Well, it’s not really her choice when or _if_ you decide that you want children, is it?”

She took a sip of her coffee and eyed him curiously. She wanted out of this conversation with him. It was already bad enough that her mother had talked about her life choices with her for nearly an hour.

“It’s not really anyone’s business but own, Reid,” she scolded.

She made her way back to her desk and placed her coffee down. Tossing her purse to the side of her desk, she sat down and booted up her computer. It was going to be a long day.

Reid was walking back to his desk in front of her and Emily kept her head down. She frowned at her computer. She didn’t know why she always took out her frustrations on her friends. It wasn’t his fault that she was having a bad morning.

“I’m sorry, Emily,” he said.

She opened up her internet browser to check her email. “About what?”

“For being annoying again.”

The guilt washed over her. Everyone always got annoyed with him when he shared his knowledge or babbled about something that no one else could understand. She didn’t want to be yet another person who made him feel bad about it.

Her shoulders fell down and she sighed. “It’s not you, I promise. I’m just having a bad morning.”

He seemed to cheer up and he clicked on his computer.

“I watched the Indiana Jones marathon yesterday for four hours,” he said.

She looked up from her computer screen for the first time since he sat down across from her. “Yeah?”

He nodded his head and grinned. “I hadn’t watched it since I was working on my second doctorate. I was trying to relax like you said.”

“Oh yeah?” she laughed. “And how was it behaving like a normal human being?”

Emily leaned back in her chair and began sipping her coffee. It’s not like she was actually working yet.

“I think you were right,” he said. “It was nice and who knows? I have a claw-foot tub in my bathroom. I might even try a bath.”

Emily choked on her coffee. She couldn’t stop the fit of coughs that came with it and tried to look in any direction but him.

“Cool,” she muttered. She closed her eyes and shook her head. _Smooth recovery, Emily_. She scanned her email. Hotch requesting notes on a case, a chain mail from Garcia, but one caught her attention. She clicked open the email and it was from an M. Rawson. She groaned. He was going to be in the area next week for a conference and wanted to see if she was available for dinner. She closed the email and decided to respond later.

After lunch, Emily had already completed the case file and decided to help JJ look through some requests that were emailed to her.

“Hey, Prentiss,” Morgan said. He walked towards her and sat on the edge of her desk. She noticed Reid look up from his paperwork.

“What’s up?”

“I’m going to the gym tonight to do a little training with a friend,” he said. “You should join us.”

“Morgan, that’s just about the last thing I would want to do today.”

“Come on, I can’t have you getting rusty on me in the field.”

She scoffed. As if she would let that happen. “You’re barking up the wrong tree here.”

“It’ll be fun,” he insisted. “I’ll let you throw me around a little bit.”

“You’re going to ’let me’?” Emily laughed and Morgan was grinning down at her. He knew exactly the right thing to say to get her to do what he wanted. “I thought you had brawn _and_ brains, Derek.”

“That’s why the ladies love me, Prentiss.”

“Well, it’s certainly not from a lack of ego, is it?”

“So, I’ll see you there?”

Emily hesitated. She just wanted to get home and sleep, but she had turned Morgan down the past three times he had asked.

“Fine, but just for an hour!”

Morgan clapped his hands together. “Alright. Be there at 6:30. I’ll text you the address.”

When he walked away, she caught Reid staring at her with a frown on his face.

“Why the long face, doc?”

“I’m confused,” he said. “Why would you agree to go with him when you clearly don’t want to?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Because I turned him down the past three times.”

“So you said yes because of that?”

“Spencer, sometimes when you reject people enough, they stop asking you,” she said simply. “I said yes because he’s my friend.”

“So you do things you don’t really want to do because someone is your friend? To be nice?” Did she hear disappointment in his voice? She had a feeling his question might not be about Morgan at all. Her mind drifted to the room they shared in Alaska. No, she doubted he was thinking about that.

“I guess. Sometimes.”

“He has approximately 57 pounds on you.”

“Are you questioning my abilities?”

“Not at all.” He grinned and leaned forward in his chair. “I’m saying, be sure to throw him on his ass for me.”

She laughed. “If that’s what the doctor orders.”

**

When Emily arrived at precisely 6:30, she found Morgan leaning against the wall near a water fountain talking to his friend. She strode over to him and waved her hand.

“Prentiss,” he said. “You made it.”

“I said I would.”

“This is my friend, Chris.” His friend smiled and held out his hand to her. “He worked construction with me on a few of my renovations.”

Emily shook his hand. “Emily.”

“So, you work with Derek at the FBI?” His eyes darted up and down her body.

“Yeah.” She shifted her weight on her feet.

“Well, good to meet you agent Prentiss.”

“Just call me Emily.” She turned her attention back to Morgan. “Ready to get your ass kicked?”

He roared of laughter. “Easy, tiger. Let’s try some cardio first.”

She stretched her leg behind her. “Because we don’t do that enough at work?”

Chris eyed her again. “You go out in the field, too?” he asked.

Emily frowned. “Of course I do.”

“You should see her, man,” Morgan said. “I wouldn’t want to get on her bad side.”

Chris smirked at her. “I wouldn’t dare.”

Thirty minutes later, Morgan had convinced her to get into the boxing ring and practice defensive training. Chris stood in the corner inspecting them. Morgan appeared behind her and brought his arms around her shoulders, locking her in tight. She rolled her eyes.

“Alright, you’re trapped,” he said. “What’s your next move?”

“Are you kidding me?” she laughed. She tried to wiggle free but he gripped her tighter. “I learned how to do this back in field training.”

“But I’m not going to go easy on you. Give it your best shot.”

“I’m going home after this.”

He laughed. “When you _don’t_ , you’re buying me lu-”

She elbowed him in the stomach and pushed herself out of his arms. She twisted her body behind him and kicked the back of his knee, pushing his shoulder until he fell down to the ground. She grabbed his arms quickly and pinned them against his back. It was almost too easy.

She heard Chris laughing in the corner and she offered him a wink. Morgan was laughing underneath her. “Rule one,” she said and released his arms. “When the opponent is stronger than you, find an opportunity when they’re distracted to make your move.”

She stood up and saw him roll over onto his back. She offered her hand and helped him to his feet.

“Touche’.” He extended his fist in front of her and she knocked his knuckles with her own. He gave her a gentle push on her shoulder, making her take a step back to keep her balance. “But you didn’t have to elbow my rib so hard.”

She flashed him an innocent smile. “My bad.”

Chris walked over to them and pat Morgan on the shoulders. “Tough luck,” he said. He smiled at Emily and offered her a high five. She clapped his hand. “You should come back sometime and show me more of your moves.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Wouldn’t you be so lucky?”

She walked out of the ring and collected her things, Morgan and Chris behind her.

“I’m gonna head to the shower,” Morgan said. “See you tomorrow, Emily.”

“Bye.”

Morgan disappeared around the corner and Chris stood in front of her rocking on his heels. “It was nice to meet you, Emily.”

“Uh, yeah. You too. Goodnight.”

She began making her way out of the building and stopped in her tracks when she heard footsteps behind her. Chris was jogging to catch up with her.

“Hey,” he said and caught his breath. “I didn’t mean to offend you earlier.”

She raised her eyebrow. “You didn’t offend me.”

“Derek doesn’t talk about work much and I honestly don’t know much about the BAU, so I didn’t mean to insinuate that-”

“That because I’m a woman, I wasn’t in the line of duty?”

He slouched his shoulders and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, yeah.”

“I know. Don’t worry about it.” Emily stood awkwardly and looked around. “Was that all?”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s it. Goodnight, Emily.”

“Goodnight.” She gave a small wave and exited the building. She couldn’t wait to get home and curl herself into bed.

**

The team was on their way back from Boise, Idaho where they tracked down a serial killer live-streaming his kills. It had been a nightmare trying to track that guy down. Even though they saved the life of the last woman he took, it didn’t feel like a win to Emily. There were so many other women that died before they arrested him.

Emily found herself sitting across from Reid at the table again. He had offered to play chess with her when they first started flying but she found herself too distracted to take him up on it. She looked up and stared at him, but he didn’t seem to notice. His eyes were scanning the pages of yet another book that he held in his hands. She glanced up at his hair. He had shown up at the BAU for the briefing and he had cut his hair. She’d ignored it at the time and immediately brought the attention back to the case, but as she sat there staring at him now, she realized that she liked it. The way it just flopped around in soft curls around his face was distracting. Why did he decide to randomly get his hair cut?

He looked up from his book and she averted her gaze to the wall. Great, now he had caught her staring at him. She heard his book shut and he slid it onto the table.

“Why are you staring at me?”

She felt a heat rising in her cheeks and tried to feign innocence. “I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were.”

She couldn’t think of an appropriate answer, so she ignored him. She noticed a chip on the paint next to her seat, the stale air inside the jet, and the-

“ _Emily.”_ He laughed. “Don’t ignore me.”

She sighed. Why couldn’t he just let it go? “Alright. Fine. Why did you get a haircut?”

“Why has everyone asked me that?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Well?”

“It got too long,” he stated. His hand reached up and he swiped it through his hair. “Does it look bad or something?

Was he serious? Does it look bad? _No, Spence, it looks the opposite of bad. It makes you look far more attractive than you should be allowed when I have to work with you._ She wondered if his hair would feel as soft at it seemed. Emily cleared her throat and responded, “No.”

He didn’t look convinced. Emily wished she could come up with something better to say, but words seemed to evade her.

“Hotch asked if I joined a boy band,” he recalled. “I don’t get it.”

She laughed. “I think he just meant that it makes you look, um...boyish, I guess.”

“ _Boyish_? What does that even mean?”

The look on his face was so distraught, Emily had to try her best not to giggle. If only he knew how cute he was sometimes. She held back her laughter and pushed the thought from her head.

“You know, like you’re a member of New Kids or something.”

He furrowed his eyebrows together. “New Kids?”

“New Kids on the Block, Spencer,” she said. He shook his head. “The boy band from the 80’s and 90’s.”

“So, Hotch thinks I look like someone that belongs in New Kids on the Block? How would he know that?”

“Who knows?” she grinned. “Maybe he’s a fan.”

She laughed at the thought. She couldn’t imagine Hotch jamming to that kind of music, or any music really. Her laughter was caught in her throat when she heard someone clear their throat behind her. She turned her head and saw Hotch scowling at her.

“Haley was the fan, Prentiss, not me.” Her mouth fell open as she tried to think of an apology. Shit. He was mad. His scowl turned into a wide grin and she released a shaky breath. “And my question stands, Reid. Did you join a boy band?”

Reid rolled his eyes and smoothed his tie over his shirt. “Ha, ha, Hotch. Very funny.”

Hotch laughed and walked away from them towards the drink station. Emily turned her head back around to face Reid. His cheeks had a faint tint of pink to them.

“That’s the last time I let my hairdresser pick my haircut,” he muttered.

“Really, Reid, it looks fine. He’s just teasing.”

“If you say so.”

****

After arriving back on the BAU, Emily decided to ask everyone if they wanted to go to the bar for a drink with her. It was one of those cases where everyone really needed a distraction. She was happy to find that they all agreed with the exception of Hotch, who wanted to get home to Jack.

When they arrived, Garcia made a beeline to the biggest table available and threw herself in a seat. She waved them over and Emily took the seat next to her.

“Smooth move, P.”

“Em, did you see those vultures eyeing this table? I had to lay claim to it or we’d be stuffed in that corner over there.”

Emily laughed and shook her head as everyone else took their seats. Reid took the seat next to her. She reached out for the drink menu and scanned it over. What did she feel like drinking tonight? It felt like a hard liquor kind of night. She decided on a whiskey sour. They were her favorite in college when she could down six in a row and still survive the next day.

“I probably can’t stay long,” JJ said. “Will said he’d stay up for me.”

“Aw, why doesn’t he come out with us?” Garcia asked.

“Maybe next time if we can get a sitter.”

JJ took a sip of her drink and scanned the bar. Her eyes seemed to light up and she perked up in her seat. “Hey, anyone wanna play darts with me?”

Emily shook her head. The last time they played, JJ pouted that she had lost and she was grilled about a re-match the rest of the night. She was not falling down that trap again.

Rossi grabbed his glass of scotch and stood from his chair. “I’ll take you up on that.”

JJ clapped her hands together and lead the way over there. If only he knew what he was getting himself into.

“My money’s on JJ,” Morgan said. “She is way too competitive with that damn game.”

Emily laughed. “Tell me about it. She does _not_ like to lose.”

“I prefer pool,” Reid said. “It’s basically just mathematics.”

“And that is why you should never be allowed to gamble, kid.” Morgan lifted up his drink. “Cheers.”

Emily raised her glass. “Cheers.” She took a long drink and felt the tension easing from her body. She really had needed a drink more than she realized.

“Technically, I’ve been banned from dozens of casinos in Las Vegas,” Reid said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I’d ban you, too sweetheart,” Garcia said. “You sit there all squishy and innocent and then hustle everyone out of their money.”

Morgan laughed. “Baby girl, don’t hate the playa, hate the game.”

“Are you insinuating that Spencer Reid is a player?”

“He’d have game if he actually tried. I’ve seen him do it.”

Emily sat sipping her drink as she watched them bicker. She wondered how they would fit together as a couple. Could their friendship actually lead to that, or were they truly just friends? Her eyes drifted to Reid. He was staring at them with his eyebrow raised and shook his head.

“Uh, guys?” he said. “I’m sitting right here, and I assure you that I do not, in fact, have any game, so there’s really no use in bickering about it.”

“They like to bicker,” Emily told him. “It’s their way of flirting without actually flirting.”

They seemed to ignore him and he shook his head and brought his drink to his lips. “I don’t get it.”

“They’re just weird like that.”

An hour later Emily was two drinks in and feeling good. It was so nice being out with her friends away from work. JJ and Rossi had come back to the table and Morgan was playing pool with some girl that he met.

“Alright, I gotta head out,” JJ said. She pushed her empty glass aside and slipped her purse over her arm.

Emily frowned. “Already?”

JJ strode over to her and leaned down to whisper in her ear. “I need to get laid.”

Emily snickered and gave her a gentle push away. “Have fun with that, JJ.”

“I’m going home, too,” Rossi said. He slapped a bill onto the table and winked. “Have a few drinks on me, kids. You deserve it.”

“That makes three.”

Emily saw Garcia step out of her chair and she scooped each of them into a hug.

“ _Garcia_.” Emily’s mouth fell open. “I thought you were staying?”

“Don’t give me that look. I have a hot phone date with my honey. Besides, we’re not ditching you. You’ve got Reid.” Garcia looked behind her and waved goodbye to Morgan.

Emily watched them walk out the door. She glanced at Spencer and felt uncomfortable in her seat. She was feeling a little buzzed and did not want to be alone with him.

“Well, we’ve just been properly ditched,” she said.

“We’ve still got Morgan.” He tilted his head in the direction of the pool table. Morgan was leaning on the pool table sitting just a little too close to a pretty girl in a red dress. He was a lost cause. “For now at least.”

She laughed and wiggled her eyebrows. “He shoots, he scores.”

“Do you want to order another drink?”

She decided to throw caution to the wind. “Sure, let’s get another one.”

He waved the waitress over and ordered their drinks. The waitress smiled a little too brightly at him. He didn’t even seem to realize it. _Morgan was right_ , she thought. He could have game if he wanted to.

“So, how did you do training with Morgan?”

“I kicked his ass to the ground.” She smirked. “Just for you, Spence.”

The waitress placed their drinks on the table and disappeared. Spencer grinned brightly at Emily, looking proud. It melted her composure and she forgot to wear the protective shield she'd mastered when she looked into his eyes.

“I expected nothing less from you.”

She felt her face start to warm again, but she blamed that on the alcohol. “Hey, wanna place a bet?”

“Depends on the bet.”

“How long until Morgan ditches us, too?”

He turned in his seat and eyed the area of the pool table where Morgan was.

“Hmm...based on their close proximity and the way she’s smiling, I’d wager about four minutes. What about you?”

“Ten minutes,” she said. She didn’t really care about the bet, but she wanted a distraction.

“So, what do I get when I win?” He brought his drink to his lips and took another sip of his wine. He only just started his second glass of wine and Emily knew that she had already drank much more than him. 

“How about whoever loses has to finish their drink?”

Five minutes later Morgan strutted over to the table and reached for his jacket. Reid grinned at her.

“I’m gonna take off.”

Emily rolled her eyes. “What a surprise.”

“Leaving with some company?”

Morgan pulled his jacket over his arms and pat Reid’s shoulder. “I am a gentleman,” he said. “I’m taking her to dinner.”

Emily shook her head. “Whatever you say.”

“It’s called a date," Morgan said. He stared at each of them in turn and she felt oddly judged like she was a child. "You two should try it sometime.”

“Have fun, Morgan,” Emily said with a wave of her hand.

When he left, Reid turned to her and tapped her glass. “Drink up, Emily.”

Emily scoffed and tossed the straw out of her drink. She raised her glass to him and downed it in a few gulps. She felt it settle uncomfortably in her stomach. Had they turned up the temperature in here?

“Okay, what do I get for not being a sore loser?”

He laughed at her. “I didn’t realize there was a consolation prize.”

“I don’t see why not.” She pushed his glass towards him and he obediently took another drink. 

“Well, what do you want?” he asked.

A rush of excitement coursed through her and she sat up in her seat. “You tell me a secret, and I’ll tell you one.”

“A secret?” He licked his lips and looked lost in his thoughts. “I don’t really have any good secrets.”

“Dig deep, Spencer. Everyone has secrets.”

“Okay, well one time I found Penelope and Kevin making out in the file room on the fourth floor.”

She chuckled. She wanted a secret about him, but she supposed it was something. “Fraternizing at work. Not bad.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Well, she didn’t say not to tell anyone. I just closed the door and tried to burn the memory from my brain.”

“Doesn’t seem like that worked.”

He tapped his head with his finger. “Eidetic memory.”

She wondered what it must be like to be able to recollect everything to perfection. It was probably a burden as much as a gift.

“What’s your secret?” He was looking at her curiously.

She had one she wanted to tell him, but should she be that bold? “You really wanna know?” He nodded his head. “Okay, but if you tell anyone, just remember that I’m an armed agent.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and smiled. Damn, that smile. It encouraged her to be far more daring than she ought to be.

Emily leaned towards him and curled her finger for him to come closer. He leaned in until his shoulder was brushing her arm. She grabbed his shoulder and perked herself up until her mouth was by his ear. She felt her heartbeat hammering in her chest. “I happen to like boy bands.”

She twirled her index finger into a piece of hair that curled around his neck. His hair _was_ as soft as she thought. When she pulled away from him, she was satisfied to see his cheeks were flushed pink when he glanced at her. “Y-you do?”

She nodded her head and beamed at him. “Yeah, it’s kind of silly.” She played with her empty glass and tried not to think about running her hands through his hair.

“There’s always different stereotypes.” She looked down at the table. “There’s a bad boy who seems good with the ladies, the funny one, the older one who comes off as a gentleman.”

She looked up from the table and stared at him until he looked at her and took a deep breath before continuing. “There’s the cute, nerdy one who seems a little shy," she said, smirked at him. “That’s probably why Hotch was teasing you.”

He broke eye contact with her and took another drink from his glass. “So, which one is your favorite?”

“I said I’d tell you _one_ secret.”

“I didn’t realize that was a secret.”

“Since you want to know,” she said and pat him on his arm. “It is now.”

A silence passed between them and Emily shifted in her seat, her new found confidence dulling with each moment. He cleared his throat. “Hey, Em?”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t think this is a secret, but I think you’re a little intoxicated.”

Emily threw her head back and laughed. Yes, she was and it definitely was not a secret. “I know I am. You’re right.”

She was relieved to hear that he was laughing with her. That last drink had definitely gone straight to her head. She doubted she would have openly flirted with him like that otherwise. There was no harm in it, though. She was only innocently teasing him.

“Who knew being ditched by your friends wasn’t so bad?” He was looking at her with a look that she couldn’t quite place. Alcohol really seemed to hinder her profiling skills.

“My company isn’t so bad, huh?”

He twisted his head in confusion. “I never said it was.”

“I know,” she said. She played with the straw that was laying on the table. “Sometimes a girl just likes positive reaffirmation.”

“It’s nice, you know?” He was playing with his tie again and straightened it down over his shirt. “You don’t treat me like a kid when everyone else does.”

“That’s because you’re not a kid.”

“Morgan even calls me kid.”

She frowned at him. He was pouting and she wanted to laugh but thought better of it. Did everyone really always treat him like a child?

“You’re like the team’s little brother. He’ll probably still call you kid even when you’re 50.”

“That’s a scary thought.” He laughed briefly but then stared down at the table. Emily could tell by the look on his face that his brain must be bouncing thought after thought around and he couldn't decide which one to focus on.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Do you ever think about where everyone will be in 20 years? Who’s gonna stay, who’s gonna leave.”

She really didn’t. Life was too unpredictable to ponder that far into the future. With the kind of job they all had, it would be a miracle if they were all still alive and well, but she didn’t want him thinking about that. She racked her brain for something more positive to say.

“It’s probably no use thinking about it,” she said. “But I hope we’ll all still be a family.”

“Do you think that’s too much to hope for?”

He was tapping his fingers on the table. She reached out and gripped his hand in hers, stopping his fingers. “At the very least, I’ll always be your friend.”

And she meant it. No weirdness between them, no attraction, no crazy situation would stop her from caring about him. He ought to know that he's more important to her, to all of them, than he realized.

“I think I might be one of those emotional drinkers.”

Her lips curved into a smile for him. She knew he didn’t like to be touched, but he never pulls away from her. She liked that about their friendship.“I think your mind just thinks as fast as you read.”

“20,000 words per minute?” His eyebrows shot up high into his forehead. “I think I’d be labeled clinically insane.”

She circled her finger over the back of his hand and saw his eyes take notice of it. She didn't like or understand why her impulses seemed to get the better of her.

“Insane...genius. It’s really all the same,” she said. He didn’t look up from their hands and a nervous energy washed over her. Maybe she was sobering up a little bit. She pulled her hand away. She really needed to stop touching his hands so much.

“How about we call it a night?” she asked. He nodded his head. “I’ll call us a few cabs.”

She found her purse and reached into it to find her phone.

“At least Rossi bought our drinks.” He chuckled and indicated the hundred dollar bill that Rossi had left in the middle of the table.

She dialed the number for the cab company. “We can blame him for being saps at the bar.”

When they got into their cabs and each went home, Emily couldn’t help but think about how Spencer Reid was one of her favorite people. There were some things that you couldn’t experience with people without growing fond of them, and profiling serial killers was one of them. Life was weird like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my head, Spencer had two glasses of white wine with a low alcoholic content throughout the night, since he doesn't like to drink. Hence, he's a light weight , plus already a sap who overthinks. Emily is the one with hard alcohol.


	6. October

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time brings some big changes to the BAU.

The following weeks were as busy as ever and the team was left reeling in the wake of it. JJ being ripped away left the team in a world consumed in endless work and an undeniable sense of loss. Emily couldn’t decide which of her problems was more pressing, so she did as she always did and slipped behind her mask, treading forward before she had time to falter.

Walking into the BAU was like walking on glass. Hotch was under a considerable amount of stress and Emily was impressed by how well he held it in. Rossi was withdrawn and Morgan was distracted by Ellie, a now orphaned girl who they managed to save on a case. Garcia clung to Emily more than ever before, as if she would suddenly disappear as JJ had. What really nagged at Emily was how Reid was behaving more odd than normal.

Some days he came into work nearly cheerful, rambling on like always before she even had a chance to comprehend what he was lecturing about. Other days, he’d behave sulky and quiet, barely able to hold a conversation unless it concerned a case. Either way, she couldn’t keep up with him. He was pulling her into his unpredictable moods and knocking her off balance with her hopeful need to see him happy again.

After the night at the bar, she made a promise to herself that she was going to gain some control over her feelings. She couldn’t deny her attraction to Spencer Reid anymore, or the feelings that came with it, but she could play it safe and take it slow. She did what she was actually good at and compartmentalized. Her heart was fickle at the best of times, and she couldn’t let someone like Reid be tossed in the middle of that mess. At least unless she was sure her crush wasn’t a fleeting fancy that she was merely indulging on in her loneliness.

One morning, Emily brought in a box of donuts. If that didn’t cheer everyone’s moods even a little bit, she didn’t know what would. They gathered in the kitchen chatting aimlessly about their weekends, everyone except for Reid. He was sitting at his desk, coffee in hand, staring at his computer screen. Emily grabbed a napkin and reached into the box of donuts for the chocolate one with sprinkles. It was the one she had gotten specifically for him. Dismissing herself from the conversation, she approached him at his desk and perched herself at the edge of it.

He gave her a weak smile that was gone almost as soon as it came. The circles under his eyes were more prominent and she knew he probably hadn’t been sleeping much.

“You know,” she said, “it helps if you turn the computer on.”

He blinked and reached in front of him to click the monitor on, but didn’t say anything. Emily frowned, but remembered the donut in her hands and offered it to him.

“I brought your favorite before they dug their claws in.”

“Thanks, Emily,” he said, and took it from her hands and placed it on the desk next to his keyboard. He turned in his chair to face her direction and she felt her smile falter, but she pressed on.

“Hey, you okay?”

He shrugged his shoulders and reached for his coffee. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Emily didn’t like the way he seemed small sitting in his chair. His shoulders slouched and head hung down low. It was unsettling.

“I’ve never seen you reject a chocolate donut before,” she tried. He picked it up and took a small bite before returning it to his desk. Emily stared at it and felt weirdly rejected by his dismissal of it. What was bothering him so much?

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

He nodded his head and the gesture felt more like a dismissal than anything else. They sat in silence for a few moments and the air between them filled with awkward tension. Emily clapped her hands on her knees and lifted herself to a standing position. It looks like it would be one of those moody days and she refused to try to pull it out of him like he was a child. “All right. Well, I’m around, okay?”

She turned to walk away when she heard him speak. “Hey, Emily,” he said. “How do you go on like everything is fine?”

“I- well, I don’t, Spence. I just stuff all my problems in a little box and hope it gets better.” _Like my relationship with my mom, the terrible truth of my past, and my feelings for you_ , she finished in her head. She wished she had an answer that was actually helpful, but all she could offer him was the truth...well, most of it, anyway.

“I see,” he muttered. He picked up the donut with newfound energy and began eating it with vigor. That’s more like the Spencer Reid she knows. “And how does that work for you? Does it get better?”

She raised an eyebrow and chuckled. He should probably take advice from someone better able to handle their shit. “Honestly? Probably not, but whatever gets me through the day, ya know?”

“I haven’t been sleeping very well,” he admitted.

“Are you still upset about JJ leaving?”

“I think so. Part of it anyway.”

It didn’t take a profiler to know that he had deep-seeded abandonment issues. If someone should be able to catch a break in life, it should be him. The universe had not been particularly kind to him.

“She didn’t leave us willingly, Spencer. You know that.”

He let out a deep breath and looked away from her. All she wanted to do was make him feel better, but she was clearly failing at it.

“Is that supposed to make the situation any better? The fact that she was forced to leave?”

“Well, _no_. Of course not. But she’s still around.”

She couldn’t tell if he believed her words or not. He just leaned back in his chair, his eyebrows furrowed together. Maybe _she_ was the one in denial. She hadn’t let herself be too preoccupied with JJ’s absence because she believed that Hotch would manage to get her back eventually, but maybe that was wishful thinking on her part.

“Spencer, look at me,” she said. When he didn’t, she reached her arm out and tucked her hand carefully under his jaw. She turned his head in her direction until he met her gaze. Letting her fingers fall away from his face, she noticed how vulnerable he looked. He really did not handle change well. She had seen the same look on his face when Gideon left. “You are her son’s _godfather_. Try not to worry, okay? You’re family to her.”

She was relieved to see his lips curve up into a small smile. At least she said one right thing today. What she wouldn’t do to see that smile.

He seemed to internalize her words and the tension between them evaporated. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” he said. “Sorry for acting like an idiot this morning.”

“I think your IQ score makes you the exact opposite of an idiot, genius.”

Over the next week, Reid was considerably less moody.

*.-*

_Send to: Jjareau@fbi.gov_

_Jen,_

_How’s your promotion working out for you? They better be treating our girl special over there at the fancy Pentagon office. You thought we were busy before? I could laugh at that. We’re up to our heads in cases and paperwork. Hotch doesn’t know what to do about filling the void that you left. Hopefully he won’t have to worry about it for long, right? I’m still super proud of you whether you wanted to leave or not. Go kick their ass for us. Show them the BAU does NOT mess around._

_We miss you here. I miss you. So much is different now. Morgan is obsessed with that sweet girl Ellie, not that I can blame him. You saved her, JJ. No wonder the top brass wants you. Assholes._

_Reid is being...well, like you would probably expect. You know how he is. He thinks you’ve abandoned him and all that. I did my best to tell him what an idiot he was being to think that. Don’t worry, I was nice. Guess I learned a thing or two about dealing with our doctor from you. ;) I know you’re probably busier than us right now, but maybe think about giving him a call back when you can? Maybe he’ll start lecturing us about how quantum physics and magic are the same again. Or different. Or whatever it is. He really talks too fast to keep up with sometimes._

_Give my best to Henry and Will._

_Love you,_

_Em_

_*.-*_

The team had just returned from a case in Ohio where the unsub was in the swinger's lifestyle with his wife. The guy was spiraling out of control and Emily had offered to do what needed to be done. She distracted him by attempting to flirt with him so they could gain control over the situation. It had worked out the best they could hope for in the end, but the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach hadn’t left her as they flew home.

She dropped into her seat at the desk when they arrived back at the BAU. Emily could handle many things without a second thought, but anytime she had to use sex or the suggestion of it to their advantage, she felt sick. It reminded her of Doyle and the part of herself that she let die when it was all over. She hated having reminders of it.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. She missed JJ more than she anticipated and felt the need to email her more than she thought. It was almost like she had disappeared. Emily pushed the helpless thought in her head that _she_ wasn’t Henry’s Godparent...she needed to put in more effort into staying relevant in her life. She hadn’t had much luck getting ahold of JJ by phone and the email she received back in return was short, as if she couldn’t take the time to give a proper response. She’d just have to flood her inbox so her friend would know she wasn’t going away that easily.

Send to: Jjareau@fbi.gov

_Guess what I just had to do for a case._

“Hey, missy! Who are you sending love messages to?”

Garcia ran to her, her heels stomping on the carpet with the rest of the team trailing behind her. She snatched the phone from Emily’s hands and she watched as her excited smile faded. Emily gave her a smug look. _Nothing exciting to see here._

“Oh. Love emails to JJ,” Garcia said, and gave her the phone back. “Have you had any luck getting ahold of her?”

Emily shrugged her shoulders. “I will eventually.”

“I got a phone call,” Reid said. “That’s it though.”

“I’m sure she’s just busy settling into her new position,” Emily said. At least JJ had given him a call like she asked. No wonder he was much less moody lately.

“What did you have to do for the case?” Garcia asked. Emily furrowed her eyebrows at the question. “In the email. You were saying ‘guess what I had to do for the case.’”

“Oh, nothing. I was just venting, I guess. It’s nothing.”

“Is it because of the kill shot?” Morgan asked. “Because you know it had to happen.”

“No,” Emily answered. She hesitated before continuing. “I mean, that always sucks, but I just don’t like flirting with an unsub who’s murdered countless people. Kinda makes me feel sick.”

Emily let out a nervous laughter and felt Garcia’s hand on her shoulder. Garcia grabbed Morgan by the arm and pulled him out of ear range. It seemed like they were up to no good.

“Well, Emily,” Reid murmured, “Sometimes people need to be utilized to their strengths.”

Utilized to their strengths? What the hell was that supposed to mean? She frowned at him.

“And what exactly is that supposed to mean?”

He eyed her with a look that she couldn’t quite decipher. The air between them seemed to thicken with tension-filled with moments they silently agreed to not speak of. Maybe Spencer Reid wasn’t as obtuse to romantic suggestions as she had initially thought, but it was safer to assume that he was.

“You know what I mean.”

His voice was barely a whisper and she felt scrutinized under his gaze. Her mouth fell open, but she felt unsure what to say, so she closed it again. Her face began to flush in embarrassment. Did he expect her to defend herself or give an explanation for her recent behavior?

“Okay, Emily, don’t think we’d just gloss over your birthday.” Garcia reappeared suddenly with Morgan by her side. Their smiles made the tension in the air evaporate around her, but she couldn’t seem to swallow the lump caught in her throat. “We are going out. Right now!”

Emily groaned. “Penelope, _no._ I stopped celebrating after 30.”

She glanced at Reid but his attention was turned towards Garcia. One hand was shoved in his pocket and the other clutched the strap on his bag. He looked as if they had been discussing coffee bean flavors or something equally as mundane before Garcia had interrupted them. The sight made her shift in her seat.

“Nonsense. We need to celebrate,” she said with a wave of her hand.

“My birthday was two days ago. Looks like you missed your mark.” Garcia’s smile deflated on her face. When Emily noticed her mouth pop back open to retort, she raised her hand to silence her and smiled. “But since I appreciate the effort, maybe we can all catch a movie instead?”

Emily released a silent breath and felt her shoulders relax when Garcia gave in and Reid nodded his head, indicating he would go. Garcia elbowed Morgan and he cleared his throat.

“Um, Emily...do you remember my friend Chris from the gym?”

“Yeah...”

“Well, he has been blowing up my phone about you and he asked me to pass this along.” Morgan slapped down a torn piece of paper on her desk with a scribbled phone number written on it. Emily stared at the paper and squirmed in her seat. She hadn’t given him a second thought since that day at the gym. Had she just completely missed his interest in her?

Emily slid the paper away from her towards the edge of her desk and chuckled. “Not gonna happen.”

Garcia took a step forward and pushed the paper back in front of her. “Em, I’ve done my research and he is a hunky construction worker. It doesn’t hurt to at least _think_ about calling him.”

Emily stood from her chair and slung her purse across her shoulder, ignoring the paper. “Maybe I’m just not interested, okay? I thought we were going to a movie?”

Morgan and Garcia exchanged a look and Emily couldn’t help but roll her eyes. They lead the way out of the bullpen talking about the movies that were in the theaters. Why did they have to do that in front of Spencer? And he had been oddly quiet throughout the exchange. She followed them out, walking beside Reid in an uncomfortable silence.

“You should call him,” Reid said.

Emily felt her heart drop. Maybe she had seriously misjudged their interactions. Had he ever really done or said anything that was more than friendly towards her? Perhaps her feelings had cast a nonexistent cloud of serious misjudgment on her part.

“Y-you think so?”

They reached the elevators where Morgan and Garcia stood waiting. What happened to Rossi and Hotch? She was so focused on analyzing what Reid was thinking at her desk that she didn’t even notice they weren’t there. She really needed to reel herself back into reality.

“It’d be the nice thing to do, wouldn’t it?”

Emily felt deflated. He couldn’t be that obtuse about what a phone number meant, could he? Maybe he just didn’t care who she dated. The thought left her feeling bruised.

“I don’t think he wants to chat about the weather, Spencer.”

When the elevator doors popped open with a _ding_ , she saw him shrug his shoulders and shuffle in the elevator. Maybe she should call Morgan’s friend after all…

*.-*

Send to: Jjareau@fbi.gov

_Hey JJ. We all still miss you. You didn’t forget about us, right?_

_You’d be proud of me. I went on an actual date and no, the world did not crumble around me. Morgan’s friend Chris passed along his number and I broke and called. But don’t get too excited! Before you ask: No, I did not get laid and no, I don’t think I want to pursue date #2._

_It wasn’t bad or anything. We had dinner like normal adults. We had wine and did the awkward getting-to-know-you routine. He’s nice enough and he looked good, but I realized I was more interested in the food than him. I’m terrible, right? That’s probably why I don’t date._

_I don’t know what’s up with me JJ. I can hear you lecturing me right now. I don’t want a fling and like I told you, dating is too hard around work right now. I know you and Will managed it just fine, but you said the two of you had an instant connection, didn’t you? That’s why you made it work. I know you’d be just like me and not even bother with the mess of it all unless you felt something._

_I thought maybe I felt a little bit of that with someone, but I think I was wrong. But it’s fine. I’m fine otherwise. I think I’m going to get a cat after all._

_Take care and call me back!_

_Love,_

_Em_

Emily clicked send and started on the stack of files on her desk that needed looking over. It had been a long few weeks. They had just gotten back from Detroit where the unsub had been burning people alive. It was a hell of a case and a few days off for the weekend was well needed.

She closed the folder and put it aside.

_*-.*_

Emily didn’t know how she wound up standing in front of Reid’s door. The team managed to crack the case in enough time to make it home for Halloween night. She had decided to drive to the local shelter that evening to adopt a cat, but when she arrived the place was already closed for the night. She headed to the grocery store for wine when she passed the aisle of Halloween candy. When she spotted Reid’s favorite lollipops, a ping in her chest overwhelmed her senses. He loves Halloween and work took his Halloween weekend plans away from him. Before she knew it, she was wrestling her way through the store isles holding lollipops, microwave popcorn, and a DVD of Night of the Living Dead.

Things had gone back to normal between them ever since he had suggested that she go on the date, though it took more energy out of her than she expected. Being friends with Reid had always been easy, but straddling the line between friends and a whisper of suggestion to something more was difficult for her to reel back in. She supposed she had managed to just fine in the weeks that had passed because she had to. Emily had always done well with keeping her composure.

She took a deep breath in and knocked, replacing her doubt with a smile. When he answered, her eyes took in his purple knit sweater with a ghost stitched into it. That must have been tucked away deep in his closet because she had never seen him wear it before. His eyebrows darted up on his forehead and his eyes glanced down to the bag in her hand. Maybe she should have called first.

“Emily...hey, hi. What are you doing here?”

“Hey, Spence.” She cleared her throat. “Do you have plans tonight?”

He shook his head.

“Well, can I come in then?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” He swung the door open for her and stepped back, allowing her access and locked the door behind her. “I’m confused. Don’t _you_ have plans tonight?”

“No, why would I? We just got back from a case.” She placed the bag down on his kitchen counter and began grabbing the contents out one by one to show him. “Well, it doesn’t compare to an Edgar Allen Poe puppet show or anything, but I got snacks and Night of the Living Dead. You in?”

Five minutes later, the air lingered with freshly popped popcorn and Spencer and Emily sat on the couch at a respectable distance. It was good. It felt like it had before Emily had started spiraling with her feelings for him, if not for the awkwardness in the pit of her stomach. She did her best to focus on the movie and ignore the feeling by casually stuffing handfuls of popcorn in her mouth. It worked for the most part unless Reid was interrupting at random moments to give background on the movie or zombie lore, but she found that endearing rather than annoying, and maybe that was a part of the problem.

When the movie was over, Reid reached for the remote and turned the volume down. The excitement spilled from his voice when he began to talk.

“Did you know that the 1932 film _White Zombie_ is considered the first ever true zombie film in cinema?” He curled his legs and rested them on the couch so that he was sitting criss-cross and facing her. Emily instinctively adjusted herself so that her body was facing him. She knew that look on his face meant he was bubbling with excitement over what he was about to say.

“As cinema professor Jennifer Fey wrote in her essay, _White Zombie_ reflected the US cultural consciousness at the time like colonial rule, unpaid slave labor, and the democratic injustices of the American Empire. The film’s sensational tale of black magic and white bodies, traded on the lurid mixture of xenophobia, exoticism, and sexual slavery and all within the thrall of a form of cinematic possession. It was a standard that lasted for the years to come; zombie movies in American cinema harboring political and economic commentary of the time.”

He tightened his lips in a wide grin and she took that as him assuring her he was done with his speech.

“That is really interesting. But I’ve never seen _White Zombie_ , so I don’t know how much I have to offer right now.”

“It’s definitely an interesting interpretation of the original source material. Maybe we can watch it together sometime.” He averted his eyes to his legs and picked at his pants. The small gesture of nervousness brought Emily a sense of trepidation about possibly saying too little or too much.

“Yeah, that would be great!” She pat his knee for good measure. “I had a good time watching this with you.”

“Thank you. I know you likely came here because I missed Halloween, but thank you.”

Emily shrugged her shoulders and played coy before responding. “Maybe I just wanted to come here. You would do the same for me.” She reached into the bag of lollipops and tossed one in his direction before taking one for herself.

She let her gaze fall to the credits rolling on the screen. An overwhelming urge to have the conversation they silently agreed to not have was creeping in the forefront of her mind. She thought she had shoved it away, but in their quiet moments alone together it resurfaced itself again. It was the way he understood her without her ever needing to explain herself. He brought a calmness and a stillness to her life that few had ever achieved, and he did it by being exactly who he was.

She heard him clear his throat before speaking and she was snapped out of her thoughts. He was holding the lollipop and twirling it between his fingers when he spoke.

“You don’t have to answer, but why would you prefer to spend your evening with me rather than the man you’re dating?”

“The man I’m dating?” Emily crunched the lollipop between her teeth and chewed to stop herself from laughing. She stole a glance at his face and his cheeks seemed flushed. Good.

“Um...Morgan’s friend, right? Chris.”

She laughed and pulled her legs onto the couch to mirror him. “Reid, one date weeks ago does not equal _dating_.” She crossed her arms around her chest. “And I was practically forced into it.”

“Oh...well, I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

She waved her hand in front of her, brushing off the concern. “Don’t be. Really. It wasn’t going to work out anyway.”

“Why not? Garcia said he was great.”

She took a moment to think of which way to respond. She knew the reason deep down why she didn’t give him a fair chance, but it wasn’t something to outright admit to Reid without making it awkward again. “Sometimes you just know when it’s right. At least I assume so. Why waste my time on something that I know won’t work out? That’s how things get messy, and I don’t need the drama of it.”

He stared at her with a look of either concern or intrigue, she wasn’t sure. “So you’re saying you’d just know if something was right romantically?”

“Maybe I just know if it’s _not_ right.” Her eyes flicked to his for an instant before she glanced away to his flushed cheeks, the curls collapsing around his ears, and down to his lips. She wouldn’t normally allow herself to indulge on taking him in, but there he was right in front of her and she couldn’t look away. She swallowed thickly and uncurled her legs so she sat more comfortably. “But what do I know?” She laughed. “It’s not like I have a great track record.”

Reid leaned his torso forward and lowered his voice when he spoke. “Maybe you just have the kind of standards that you deserve to have.”

If Spencer Reid was anyone else, she might have disregarded that comment, but he always spoke with such honesty and conviction. Hearing him speak those words to her caused her brain to spiral into too many thoughts for her to cling to a single one. All she could hear was the thumping of her heartbeat in her ears. All she could feel was the deep affection she had for the man sitting in front of her, close enough to reach. And so she did.

She slipped her hand into his like she had so many times before and relished in the warmth that spread through her at their physical contact, no matter how minimal it was. The intimacy of the moment spread into the space between them and for once, Emily didn’t mind the vulnerability she allowed herself to feel.

“Spence, I-” She took a deep breath and smiled. “Thanks. That means a lot coming from you.”

She pulled him into a hug, though she had to twist and lift herself to her knees to fall into it with ease. Her fingers curled into the hair at the back of his neck and she felt his chin rest on her shoulder. Knowing how apprehensive he was about physical touch and his willingness to allow her into his personal space made her bold and curious. The sheer possibility that he could hold affection for her that was beyond friendship compelled her to pull away from the embrace until she was just inches away from his face.

Emily leaned forward and pressed her lips against his, finally letting herself completely fall into the feelings that she kept tucked away. For the briefest of moments, he had no reaction at all and she considered pulling away as if it didn’t happen. Then she felt his lips soften against hers and he gave a delicate pull against her own. It was shy and uncertain, but it was enough for her to know he was giving in, too.

She placed her other hand against his jaw and pulled him in closer. It seemed to anchor him to the moment as if to say, _It’s okay_ . She parted her lips and kissed him with more confidence, more determination this time and he opened his mouth just enough for her to slip inside. She could taste the sweetness from the candy on his lips. The feeling of being wanted by _him_ lit her up like a flame as the need for more coursed through her body.

They broke apart when his hands snuck around her back and he uncrossed his legs as he pulled her closer. She dove back in and took his mouth more firmly and she nipped his lip gently and flicked her tongue over his lower lip, coaxing him into letting himself go completely; to feel and not think.

“ _Spence_...” She breathed against his lips. She wasn’t sure if it was a plea or a question, but the way he pressed his lips against hers seemed to say enough. He opened his mouth against her own and she pulled him into her. His breath was shaky but his hands gripped her tighter as she tugged at his hair. A gentle moan escaped his lips and she relished in the newness of every sound he made, and the taste of him as they moved together.

When they broke apart, they were breathing heavy and Emily placed one last peck of a kiss before she pulled away and looked into his eyes. He looked at her with an adoration that was so new to her that her heart rate continued rapidly. But then it fell into something more foreboding as his grip on her back loosened. She knew the moment was broken as the awkwardness and confusion set in.

His voice was soft and unsure. “Emily...” And he flicked his tongue over his lips as if reminding himself of what just happened. “I, well- I don’t really know what just happened.”

“I think they call it a kiss.” She curled her lips in a smile that she hoped was reassuring. His cheeks flushed pink before his thumbs rubbed up and down her back before falling away completely. She pulled away from him and turned herself so she sunk into the cushion of the couch, releasing a deep sigh.

“Spencer, c’mon. Please don’t be obtuse. You _know_ what happened and I think you know why.”

He ran his hand through his hair and furrowed his eyebrows together. Emily could tell he was lost deep in thought, probably coming to a hundred different conclusions at the same time.

“I mean, I wasn’t really certain,” he said. “You’ve been behaving a bit odd at times, but then other times just like always...” He glanced her way and frowned. “It’s been confusing.”

Emily groaned despite herself. She was afraid it would get awkward. “Spence, please don’t make it weird if it doesn’t need to be. I guess I’ve developed an attraction for you. That’s why I’ve been flirting at times and _behaving odd_ , as you put it.”

“That’s...unexpected,” he chuckled. “Also flattering. But what does that mean now?”

She pat his knee gently. With each word he sounded uncertain and it chipped away bit by bit at her confidence. Maybe she should have mustered up the courage to talk to him first before she pounced. It might be best to let the cards settle before they have a deep conversation about any of it. She knew her head was spinning, at the very least.

“Look, it can mean whatever we decide it means. I don’t regret it. So maybe we’ll put a pin in this conversation for now. Does that sound okay?”

He nodded his head and gave her a half-smile that she decided was agreement enough for her. “I’m gonna head out… We can talk about this anytime, alright?”

“Y-yeah, yeah of course.”

Emily gave him a quick peck on the cheek and lingered when his hand rubbed up and down her arm. The small gesture calmed the nerves that were threatening to bubble out of her. She stood up and collected her keys and wallet on the coffee table. “Goodnight, Spencer.”

“Night, Em.”

When she walked past him to the doorway, she turned her head at the sound of his voice once again drifting towards her. It stopped her quick escape in her tracks.

“Thank you for tonight, Emily.”

He stood up from the couch and wrapped her into a warm hug that was gone almost as soon as it came. It felt like reassurance and comfort that they would be okay. She offered one last smile before she walked out the door thinking about his purple ghost sweater and floppy hair. She didn’t know how she fell for Spencer Reid, but even in his most awkward moments, she never doubted the way he made her feel so much affection for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long, but it's been very hard mustering the motivation to do, well, much of anything. I promise I will not abandon this story! I love them too much. I hope you are staying safe, reader. I'll be back soon enough with an update! The mini-lecture about White Zombie was taken straight from an essay I found written about zombie cinema. Thanks for reading! I love you all for sticking with me.


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